Good communication is important in every relationship. Especially with men and women seeking a long term relationship. Women want security and love, and men want respect. We all want respect of course, but it's most important that men see it and feel it from a girlfriend or wife. Respect comes in different forms. For instance, if I promised I would do something for my husband, I respect him enough to keep my promise. Keeping promises shows respect. And a promise isn't necessarily a promise- meaning ' I promise', but if I said I would do something, that is a promise. Personally I have always been that way, even when my sons were little. If I said they could have a popsicle, they got a popsicle.
Listening not only with our ears, but also our eyes and body language. Listening so we can remember and ask questions later. We want to be interested in what each other has to say, because we as women also like to be heard. Sharing thoughts and feelings is an intimate exchange, and can be very precious. When we share personal things with each other, no one else in the world knows, that alone can be very powerful and special. That type of communication creates a closeness that is very personal.
I mentioned body language. We have all had conversations where we know the other person is not listening at all. I am talking about a party now. Sometimes people are easily distracted, but sometimes they are downright rude and can't even pretend to listen. Listening with the entire body, eyes focused on the other person, no wondering eyes when people walk by. It is difficult, and I have been guilty of not listening well. It's best to ask questions about what they are saying whenever possible, it shows our interest. Back to a personal relationship. My thinking is if I love this man, I want to hear what he has to say, how he thinks, what he feels, everything. And he in turn will respect me and listen to my emotional, female stuff. I am talking about me here, because I am pretty emotional and expressive. And I am usually attracted to a strong, quiet, intelligent man. Opposites attract I have read.
We all want someone who completely understands us. That necessitates us to be willing to listen and learn about each other. I am talking about a marriage now. After all, we put in a lot of effort in the courtship. Staying married takes hard work. And loving, understanding, listening, sharing all are part of a good relationship/marriage.
Confrontation is part of any relationship. And here is where our good communication skills show up. In confrontation we need to listen extremely well. Never use 'you did this', etc. We need to learn to use 'I messages'. Meaning 'I felt sad when.....'. This shows we are not blaming, but we are showing how we feel. Listening to what the other person is saying, why they are disagreeing, or why they feel hurt. Sometimes we have to agree to disagree. Hopefully that happens without anger. We need to let the other person talk until they are finished. Usually the voice will drop a few octaves and they will become more calm. It is not fun, and is very uncomfortable for me. But we all have to go through things like this. I have found that being accountable, for my part is key. Obviously apologizing is very important.
It's fun for me to meet new people, to get to know them, watch them, and understand them. We are all different personalities, I always say that, and thank God for our differences. Learning to talk with different types of people, gives us an edge that is very valuable. Let's start by learning about ourselves and our family and friends.
Thank you! Good night and God Bless! Aleta
"Communication is a skill that you can learn. It's like riding a bicycle or typing. If you are willing to work at it, you can rapidly improve the quality of every part of your life." - Brian Tracy, author
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