Yesterday's post was about gratitude, and waking up everyday happy to be alive, to breath, to think, to enjoy, and to love. (By the way, if todays topic is TOO DRY FOR YOU, be patient and check back with me over the next few weeks. I will get into romance, attraction, soul mates, love at first sight!)
As I finished that post, it became clear my next focus was going to be on love. In my research and thinking about how I wanted to begin, I discovered some good definitions of the four types of love. We have all heard of "eros" but I'm not sure the other three are as well known. I thought it would be a good place to start the subject of love. One of my favorite topics, since I am an incurable romantic.
The ancient Greeks came up with the four terms for love: eros, storge, agape, and philia. Love occurs in the brain, not revolving around the heart, as most of us believe. Artists, poets, and painters all epitomize the heart as the love symbol. However, it's the brain that generates chemical signals to make people understand love.
Eros is a passionate and intense love that arouses romantic feelings. Being an emotional and sexual love, this love is evident in the beginning of a new relationship. But it does not last because it focuses more on "self" instead of the other person.
Storge is a love of family and friends, the love that parents naturally feel for their children. And hopefully family members might have for each other. Storge love is unconditional and accepts flaws and faults. It's committed and sacrificial and makes you feel comfortable and safe.
Agape love is an unconditional love accepting the recipient for himself/herself, including shortcomings and faults. Though we may not like someone, we decide to love them as a person, a human being. This type of love requires sacrifice and expecting nothing in return. Brotherly love is a good example. The translation of the word agape, as a verb, a committed and chosen love. Storge is different than agape in that it is unconditional love within the family unit.
Philia is the last Greek term for love. This love is a purely platonic love. It makes you desire friendship with someone. The literal translation is how you feel about someone, it is a committed and chosen love. Key word here 'chosen'.
We have all experienced eros, starting with school crushes and then onto adulthood. I hope we have all experienced storge love in the family unit.
Agape love is a tough one. Loving those people that we can barely stand to be around. They are family, perhaps someone married to a family member. In order to keep peace, and more importantly, keep the family together, we bite our tongue and simply ignore the comments and grumpy moods.
I have been working on getting along with people all of my adult life. It's an ongoing process. If a friend were here with me, she would say "You get along with everyone". Yes, I like everyone until they give me a reason not to like them, then I have to try hard. Many, many times I have been abrasive, or said things that hurt other people's feelings.....basically put my foot in my mouth. At that point, there is no backing out. I cannot take it back, an apology does very little. It's like going up to the top of a mountain and emptying a down feather pillow......and then trying to pick up all those feathers, perhaps millions of feathers. Of course it's impossible.
Getting along with people is extremely important. In a family, the work place, the community. People are much more likely to want to help us when we treat them with respect and kindness. A little agape love toward everyone, understanding we are all human, goes a long way. It took me a long time but I have learned not to argue. Sometimes what I remember is just plain wrong. What I think happens is we think about something, therefore we think we did it. Does that make sense?
The one important factor about learning to understand people, I think, is when someone is so incredibly nasty or short tempered, there must be a reason. There is so much stress today, getting and keeping employment, finances and feeding our families, commuting to and from work, health, and simply trying to keep it all together. They might have just received the worst news about their health, or their child's health. The best way to respond to this person is to first take a breath and pause, then answer in a low voice showing kindness, and somehow turn the conversation around. It's not easy and takes practice, but it can put out fires.
Philia love is that platonic love, and I love the word 'chosen' to describe it. We choose our friends and love them for their faults regardless. We aren't a bargain either, some of us forget that. We have to agree to disagree at times. I wrote about being a friend recently, and I am not going into too much more detail. A platonic relationship means you like a person as a friend, no romantic involvement. A friend is someone you know, like and trust.
Good night and God bless! Aleta
"I'm going to remain cool, calm, and corrected." -Robert H. Schuller, author
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