What is a filter? It's a moment in time when we blurt something inappropriate out, or simply say something we wish we hadn't. How often does that happen? Too often I'm afraid. We learn by our mistakes, usually. Maybe I should say hopefully. Children of course are the worst offenders, but we can chuckle at their innocent, and often hilarious comments. Sometimes it takes adults a lifetime.
Growing up we always heard "think before you speak". That is sometimes hard to do, especially if you think a long time has passed. You begin to perspire and, forget it, if you are anything like me, your mind goes blank and everything is lost. That is the worst case scenario.
Learning how to relate with difficult or angry people is where we can get our practice. There is plenty of that these days, I think?! The best thing to do is hold our tongues and just listen. I have said this in other posts, learn to say "Let me think about it". This simple 5 word sentence will save you. Usually when we get away from the incident and tension, ideas come into focus. It has certainly happened to me over and over. Hundreds of times over the years, I have either said something wrong or not been able to say anything. Then later I think "Why didn't I say.....". I have lots of great ideas....after the fact, and I'm probably not alone.
Being quiet gives us time to think about a response, because I have learned the hard way. I would rather be polite and subservient in a difficult situation, because I never want to be unkind and have regrets later. Now don't get me wrong, I will not sit back and let someone get hurt. Or if I see an injustice, I will figure out some way to intervene, or get help. God has blessed me and I have never been hurt. I could not live with myself if I decided to walk away without helping.
Life is always easier with people who understand us. (This goes back to my posts on relationships and personalities.) But life isn't always that simple. Learning when to use our filters to simply get along in our world, does make life easier.
Thank you, good night and God Bless!! Aleta
"The art of being wise is the art of knowing what to overlook." William James -American Philosopher and Psychologist
Tuesday, June 30, 2015
Thursday, June 25, 2015
MY FRIENDSHIPS HAVE TAUGHT ME A LOT!
The weather changes drastically in a half hour when you live on the coast. This morning going over the hill it went like this - 60 - 68 - 74. But at 2:00 it was really drastic 84 - 79 - 74 -63. That is why this northern coast is called a resort. You combine the beautiful Pacific Ocean, and mountains to the east, you have lovely communities - laid back and peaceful. When my husband and I moved here years ago, we noticed how friendly the people were. One day, years ago, a lady overheard us talking about the car trouble we were having, and she offered to drive us home. It was surprising being only a half hour away, how different the people were.
Today I met with a friend and we had fun catching up. She was actually working, but we laughed and made plans to see other soon. Having friends that understand you, care about you, and friends with whom you share similar interests and thoughts is incredibly important. It makes us feel good about ourselves. Making friends isn't always easy because there is some risk involved, if you think about it. By risk I mean being vulnerable, we have to be transparent and sometimes that can turn against us. The obvious differences in personality also will either make or break a friendship. That usually is discovered right away, but not always. Sharing personal information with a new friend can be scary because we don't know how they will react, if they will judge, or even gossip. Past mistakes has taught me well. But it does take years of experience - I call that wisdom. The one thing I love about being older - wisdom!!
Why aren't friendships easy to cultivate? First of all everyone is too busy. We can't get away because we are so attached to all of our techy toys. Young kids aren't the only ones that need to have time away from their iPads. I will admit I am hooked on technology. I must google a dozen times a day, looking up information, or the definition of a word, or a phone number.
Back to friendships. Of course I looked up the definition of friend: someone who knows, likes, and trusts you. We need to be good listeners, listen twice as much as we speak. I have read we have lots of acquaintances but only a few close friends. We need to feel safe with friends. Comfortable enough that we can be quiet when we are together. If we don't feel well, a good friend will notice and know what we need. This is very simplistic, but in order to have a friend we need to be a friend. Simplistic and yet very important. And we need to learn to "ask for help". This is still difficult for me to do. We are giving a blessing to others when we ask for help. We should not deny our friends these blessings. Otherwise, how can we offer to help others?!
I have many friends but I only have a few close friends. And spending time alone at this stage of my life has taught me how to be the "best me" I can be.
Thank you, good night and God Bless! Aleta
"One of the most beautiful qualities of true friendship is to understand and to be understood."
Lucius Annaeus Seneca - Roman Stoic and statesman
Today I met with a friend and we had fun catching up. She was actually working, but we laughed and made plans to see other soon. Having friends that understand you, care about you, and friends with whom you share similar interests and thoughts is incredibly important. It makes us feel good about ourselves. Making friends isn't always easy because there is some risk involved, if you think about it. By risk I mean being vulnerable, we have to be transparent and sometimes that can turn against us. The obvious differences in personality also will either make or break a friendship. That usually is discovered right away, but not always. Sharing personal information with a new friend can be scary because we don't know how they will react, if they will judge, or even gossip. Past mistakes has taught me well. But it does take years of experience - I call that wisdom. The one thing I love about being older - wisdom!!
Why aren't friendships easy to cultivate? First of all everyone is too busy. We can't get away because we are so attached to all of our techy toys. Young kids aren't the only ones that need to have time away from their iPads. I will admit I am hooked on technology. I must google a dozen times a day, looking up information, or the definition of a word, or a phone number.
Back to friendships. Of course I looked up the definition of friend: someone who knows, likes, and trusts you. We need to be good listeners, listen twice as much as we speak. I have read we have lots of acquaintances but only a few close friends. We need to feel safe with friends. Comfortable enough that we can be quiet when we are together. If we don't feel well, a good friend will notice and know what we need. This is very simplistic, but in order to have a friend we need to be a friend. Simplistic and yet very important. And we need to learn to "ask for help". This is still difficult for me to do. We are giving a blessing to others when we ask for help. We should not deny our friends these blessings. Otherwise, how can we offer to help others?!
I have many friends but I only have a few close friends. And spending time alone at this stage of my life has taught me how to be the "best me" I can be.
Thank you, good night and God Bless! Aleta
"One of the most beautiful qualities of true friendship is to understand and to be understood."
Lucius Annaeus Seneca - Roman Stoic and statesman
Wednesday, June 24, 2015
ADOPTED AND DIDN'T KNOW IT - PART 2
Once I found out the names of 3 of my cousins, I could now start looking for them on Facebook. I also had the name of my cousin's daughter-in-law. I found she had a Facebook account. I carefully wrote a letter to Francine, and sent it through FB. I didn't want to 'friend' her, that seemed creepy. I gave her plenty of information so she would know I was legit. But it took almost 6 months for her to respond. She was rarely on FB and somehow missed the message. It was the day before Easter, and I was with my daughter-in-law's family, enjoying the Gold Country in the spring.
I logged onto FB and started reading a message - and began saying OMG..... over and over again! And laid my head down and started crying! Only Jennifer understand what was happening. It was wild and I was beside myself. She had to explain why I was flipping out! I wrote back and we exchanged phone numbers and emails. I could barely sleep that night.
A few days later I went to see my kids and grand daughter in the midwest. It was there that I got a call from Francine. Of course I had put her info in my cell phone and was delighted to hear her voice, for the first time. She said she was calling on the spur of the moment because she was with one of her sisters and another cousin, Anthony. And they thought it would be great to call me in California! I got to talk with all of them and they were just as excited as me to meet. But that morning Anthony had the craziest thing happen - God works miracles! He woke up that morning and said to his wife, I wonder where in California my cousin, Aleta, is. He woke up thinking about me, though he had never met me. His uncle, my father, had told him a little about me, millions of years ago. And he had seen a photo or two at our grand parent's house. That day he went to see Francine and one of the other sisters. I think it was Theresa. And Theresa said, guess what, we found our cousin, Aleta?! Of course he tells her he had just talked about me!! So weird - and wild and wonderful!!! We are corresponding some in email, and Francine and I have talked on the phone.
In October I am planning to go to the Atlantic coast to visit all of them. One more bit of information that is wonderful and sweet. It's out of context but that's not important. Remember when Keith was googling and found the obituary of my uncle? He went home that night and told Jo what information he had found. Being the ancestry detective she is, she got back onto the computer and found out my cousin Francine was a poet and had written a book. First Jo found a story Francine had written about her husband who had died a hero on 9-11. He was assigned to be in charge of emergency evacuation that week for his company. The company was in one of the twin towers. It was beautifully written and of course very sad. Jo emailed me this story. The next week I went in to volunteer for that afternoon, and Keith handed me a gift from Jo. I didn't understand, it wasn't my birthday and I was incredulous opening this little package. It was a small book - the book of poetry Francine wrote. I cried and could not believe it! Here is more real proof my cousin is out there. I read the book that week and it was beautiful. Sad at times and very sweet, they loved each other very much.
This is more confirmation why I always say I am very blessed!! I will write a post after I visit my cousins in October. I look forward to hearing about our grand parents.
Thank you, good night and God Bless! Aleta
"Alleged 'impossibilities' are opportunities for our capacities to be stretched." Charles Swindoll - author and preacher
I logged onto FB and started reading a message - and began saying OMG..... over and over again! And laid my head down and started crying! Only Jennifer understand what was happening. It was wild and I was beside myself. She had to explain why I was flipping out! I wrote back and we exchanged phone numbers and emails. I could barely sleep that night.
A few days later I went to see my kids and grand daughter in the midwest. It was there that I got a call from Francine. Of course I had put her info in my cell phone and was delighted to hear her voice, for the first time. She said she was calling on the spur of the moment because she was with one of her sisters and another cousin, Anthony. And they thought it would be great to call me in California! I got to talk with all of them and they were just as excited as me to meet. But that morning Anthony had the craziest thing happen - God works miracles! He woke up that morning and said to his wife, I wonder where in California my cousin, Aleta, is. He woke up thinking about me, though he had never met me. His uncle, my father, had told him a little about me, millions of years ago. And he had seen a photo or two at our grand parent's house. That day he went to see Francine and one of the other sisters. I think it was Theresa. And Theresa said, guess what, we found our cousin, Aleta?! Of course he tells her he had just talked about me!! So weird - and wild and wonderful!!! We are corresponding some in email, and Francine and I have talked on the phone.
In October I am planning to go to the Atlantic coast to visit all of them. One more bit of information that is wonderful and sweet. It's out of context but that's not important. Remember when Keith was googling and found the obituary of my uncle? He went home that night and told Jo what information he had found. Being the ancestry detective she is, she got back onto the computer and found out my cousin Francine was a poet and had written a book. First Jo found a story Francine had written about her husband who had died a hero on 9-11. He was assigned to be in charge of emergency evacuation that week for his company. The company was in one of the twin towers. It was beautifully written and of course very sad. Jo emailed me this story. The next week I went in to volunteer for that afternoon, and Keith handed me a gift from Jo. I didn't understand, it wasn't my birthday and I was incredulous opening this little package. It was a small book - the book of poetry Francine wrote. I cried and could not believe it! Here is more real proof my cousin is out there. I read the book that week and it was beautiful. Sad at times and very sweet, they loved each other very much.
This is more confirmation why I always say I am very blessed!! I will write a post after I visit my cousins in October. I look forward to hearing about our grand parents.
Thank you, good night and God Bless! Aleta
"Alleged 'impossibilities' are opportunities for our capacities to be stretched." Charles Swindoll - author and preacher
Tuesday, June 23, 2015
I WAS ADOPTED AND DIDN'T KNOW IT
At age twenty I found out that the father I had known all my life, was actually my step father. He married my mother when I was about 2 1/2, and also adopted me and gave me his last name.
We were having a big family dinner in San Francisco at my Uncle Louis' house, the patriarch of the family. My step father had too much to drink over dinner and said, "Aleta, I'll never forget the first time I saw you. You were running down that hall with no clothes on." It's funny how I remember the exact words he said, I am certain of that. When we got home that night, I went upstairs to ask my mom what dad was talking about. She said she was married for a short time, in New York City. She went on to say he is Italian and they met on Off Broadway, in an acting class. My reaction is odd to me now. I stood up, went into her bathroom and looked into the mirror, and said "I guess I do look a little Italian". That's possible, half the people in Italy have blue eyes. But I'm not sure what else I thought. My mother said the reason she didn't tell me was because she didn't want me to think I had anything less than my sister and brother.
When you are twenty something, and all you want is to be a mother, finding my lost family was not a priority. It never occurred to me, at that time, that I should connect with my Italian side. I was busy being newly married and raising 3 rambunctious boys - I was in heaven! Suffice to say, I did meet my father but barely saw him over that year. He worked 2 jobs and was very busy. I lived with him, my step mother Gigi, and 3 of her children for a few months. I met the father of my 3 boys in New York, and we were married that next year. Living in New York would have been a perfect time to ask to meet my cousins, my aunts and uncles, and my grand parents. However, I am sorry to say I did not. I was too busy being 22, and everything that goes along with a young person in the 70's.
Enough about that regret! Remember how I always say how blessed I am? Here comes a big one. Almost 4 years ago I started volunteering at a local community center that helps people in need - help with food, school supplies for children, and sometimes money for rent. I became friends with Keith, and hence his wife, Barbara Jo. They invited me to have dinner with them and to meet Jo's sister and her family. Jo mentioned she loves researching on Ancestry.com and asked what was my birthday.
Fortunately, I had my father's social security number and his age, and my aunts and uncles names from Gigi. Jo's career is computer tech stuff. She loves researching Ancestry and has had fun finding her ancestors. She allowed me to use her account but she actually did the work.
One day I was volunteering, and told Keith that I had found some information but I had a question for him. I don't remember the question, but that day Keith spent quite awhile googling, and putting in names, and hitting links, blah blah blah. He found an article in a newspaper in Staten Island, an obituary that might be my uncle. He said I had to use my credit card to pay $2.95 in order to get a copy. I said of course.
There it was - my Uncle Jack's obituary. I was very sad he had died and I would never get to meet him. But there were the names of his children, and grand children! My first cousins! I was practically crying. My Italian blood-line, my father was their uncle, their father or mother was my uncle or aunt! Now it was my turn to start researching - in Facebook. Only one cousin was on Facebook, but I got confirmation with her daughter-in-law. Because her daughter-in-law filled out the entire profile on FB, one thing I won't do. But I am grateful she did.
Part 2 tomorrow -
Good night and God Bless! Aleta
"You don't choose your family. They are God's gift to you, as you are to them." Desmond Tutu - South African social rights activist and retired Anglican bishop
We were having a big family dinner in San Francisco at my Uncle Louis' house, the patriarch of the family. My step father had too much to drink over dinner and said, "Aleta, I'll never forget the first time I saw you. You were running down that hall with no clothes on." It's funny how I remember the exact words he said, I am certain of that. When we got home that night, I went upstairs to ask my mom what dad was talking about. She said she was married for a short time, in New York City. She went on to say he is Italian and they met on Off Broadway, in an acting class. My reaction is odd to me now. I stood up, went into her bathroom and looked into the mirror, and said "I guess I do look a little Italian". That's possible, half the people in Italy have blue eyes. But I'm not sure what else I thought. My mother said the reason she didn't tell me was because she didn't want me to think I had anything less than my sister and brother.
When you are twenty something, and all you want is to be a mother, finding my lost family was not a priority. It never occurred to me, at that time, that I should connect with my Italian side. I was busy being newly married and raising 3 rambunctious boys - I was in heaven! Suffice to say, I did meet my father but barely saw him over that year. He worked 2 jobs and was very busy. I lived with him, my step mother Gigi, and 3 of her children for a few months. I met the father of my 3 boys in New York, and we were married that next year. Living in New York would have been a perfect time to ask to meet my cousins, my aunts and uncles, and my grand parents. However, I am sorry to say I did not. I was too busy being 22, and everything that goes along with a young person in the 70's.
Enough about that regret! Remember how I always say how blessed I am? Here comes a big one. Almost 4 years ago I started volunteering at a local community center that helps people in need - help with food, school supplies for children, and sometimes money for rent. I became friends with Keith, and hence his wife, Barbara Jo. They invited me to have dinner with them and to meet Jo's sister and her family. Jo mentioned she loves researching on Ancestry.com and asked what was my birthday.
Fortunately, I had my father's social security number and his age, and my aunts and uncles names from Gigi. Jo's career is computer tech stuff. She loves researching Ancestry and has had fun finding her ancestors. She allowed me to use her account but she actually did the work.
One day I was volunteering, and told Keith that I had found some information but I had a question for him. I don't remember the question, but that day Keith spent quite awhile googling, and putting in names, and hitting links, blah blah blah. He found an article in a newspaper in Staten Island, an obituary that might be my uncle. He said I had to use my credit card to pay $2.95 in order to get a copy. I said of course.
There it was - my Uncle Jack's obituary. I was very sad he had died and I would never get to meet him. But there were the names of his children, and grand children! My first cousins! I was practically crying. My Italian blood-line, my father was their uncle, their father or mother was my uncle or aunt! Now it was my turn to start researching - in Facebook. Only one cousin was on Facebook, but I got confirmation with her daughter-in-law. Because her daughter-in-law filled out the entire profile on FB, one thing I won't do. But I am grateful she did.
Part 2 tomorrow -
Good night and God Bless! Aleta
"You don't choose your family. They are God's gift to you, as you are to them." Desmond Tutu - South African social rights activist and retired Anglican bishop
Friday, June 19, 2015
CHIVALRY ISN'T DEAD - MORE FROM WASHINGTON TRIP!
It was my last day and Julie and I were going to Gig Harbor, a lovely little resort on the water. I have become a morning person and we were both up by about 7 - no alarm. Unlike me, Julie is full-speed ahead, even before coffee. Not me. I like to start my day slowly and caress my hot coffee cup, not move, just sit and sip. But Loren had forgotten to bring his passport to his first day of work. He tried calling both of us, we turned our phones to silent, and he even tried calling the neighbor next door - no such luck. But by 7:30 we were out the door to bring him his passport.
Loren is 6'2", and quiet, unless you get him talking about politics, or perhaps how government jobs are run. Julie says "He is the loudest quiet person she ever met". He is also handsome in a quiet, unassuming way, and has a great smile. When he smiles he looks like a younger Harrison Ford. He has been working for the government for several years, but this new job requires him to show a passport - so we show up and meet him in the designated parking lot. We waited about 5 minutes. Loren gets his passport, kisses Julie good bye, and he is off to his morning orientation.
We waited at least 5 minutes trying to get on the road, having to turn left across 3 lanes. No one wanted to let us out. We thought we'll get out some day, but we were worried about Loren getting back late. Loren has a 1-ton black truck. A big, diesel, macho truck. He backed up and went another way, now we don't have to worry about him being late.
He pulled into traffic, no one messes with a big truck - but Loren was on a mission. He got into the middle lane, and just before the exit where we were waiting, he stopped! Remember, Julie and I had been watching the whole time. Julie said, what is he doing? And I said, I think he's cursing at someone. We were astonished and intently waiting, Julie was freaking out a little, too. He must have opened his window and yelled at the guy on his right to stop, and (he told me later) he put his arm out of his window to stop the guy on his left. Then he motioned for us to drive in front of all 3 lanes and make the left turn. OMG!!! I loved it! I screamed with glee - that was so awesome! Your husband is so chivalrous, I said. I have a crush on Loren!! Julie just smiled. I saw a side to Loren I had never seen before, and it was very cool! I love it when a man takes charge, I always have.
This post is for you, Loren! Thank you for that special moment. I will never forget it. Thank you for all you do for your friends and family. And thank you for being the strong, loving husband for Julie. My best buddy and sister!
Thank you! Good night and God Bless! Aleta
""I am thankful for laughter, except when milk comes out of my nose." Woody Allen
Loren is 6'2", and quiet, unless you get him talking about politics, or perhaps how government jobs are run. Julie says "He is the loudest quiet person she ever met". He is also handsome in a quiet, unassuming way, and has a great smile. When he smiles he looks like a younger Harrison Ford. He has been working for the government for several years, but this new job requires him to show a passport - so we show up and meet him in the designated parking lot. We waited about 5 minutes. Loren gets his passport, kisses Julie good bye, and he is off to his morning orientation.
We waited at least 5 minutes trying to get on the road, having to turn left across 3 lanes. No one wanted to let us out. We thought we'll get out some day, but we were worried about Loren getting back late. Loren has a 1-ton black truck. A big, diesel, macho truck. He backed up and went another way, now we don't have to worry about him being late.
He pulled into traffic, no one messes with a big truck - but Loren was on a mission. He got into the middle lane, and just before the exit where we were waiting, he stopped! Remember, Julie and I had been watching the whole time. Julie said, what is he doing? And I said, I think he's cursing at someone. We were astonished and intently waiting, Julie was freaking out a little, too. He must have opened his window and yelled at the guy on his right to stop, and (he told me later) he put his arm out of his window to stop the guy on his left. Then he motioned for us to drive in front of all 3 lanes and make the left turn. OMG!!! I loved it! I screamed with glee - that was so awesome! Your husband is so chivalrous, I said. I have a crush on Loren!! Julie just smiled. I saw a side to Loren I had never seen before, and it was very cool! I love it when a man takes charge, I always have.
This post is for you, Loren! Thank you for that special moment. I will never forget it. Thank you for all you do for your friends and family. And thank you for being the strong, loving husband for Julie. My best buddy and sister!
Thank you! Good night and God Bless! Aleta
""I am thankful for laughter, except when milk comes out of my nose." Woody Allen
Thursday, June 18, 2015
WASHINGTON STATE TRIP
Washington state is gorgeous! Lush, green, and trees everywhere. As I said in yesterdays post, I am back from a vacation with friends. My friends were moving back to their home state and I offered to help. Help with driving not packing. Loren was driving a 1-ton truck pulling a fifth wheel, a 38 foot trailer. I might sound like I know the lingo....NOT....but you get the idea. Trailers, fifth wheels, campers, RV's, mobile homes, it's not all the same. But on to the fun stuff. Julie and I were in her Nissan Juke.
We planned on two days driving, but Loren discovered a bubble in one of the tires. In 100 degree weather, the possibility of that tire blowing is very likely. We were in Yreka and 25 miles from the Oregon border, when he saw the bubble. No tire stores open after 4:00pm on Saturday. We got stuck there Sunday when we were hoping to drive the whole day to Seattle. But honestly, we had a nice motel with air conditioning, cable, and great linens on the beds. Loren is very cautious and an excellent driver. Though I will have to admit there were times Julie and I complained. All in all we were blessed that Loren is cautious and we arrived at our destination alive and well. We arrived Monday night at 9:30pm, after driving 480 miles for 11 hours.
In retrospect, we had a great time. Loren drove the truck, alone, and Julie and I had each other, to talk about important stuff. Girl stuff, you know all that fun, private talk when you are really good friends and everything is quiet. And then when we were really bored, we would make calls to friends and put them on the Blue Tooth, so we could have a three-way conversation, and be entertained. The longer the day, the sillier we got. Giggling at anything.
Julie and I never sat around, once we arrived at their friends property. Everyday we went somewhere. I had 1 week to see Seattle and surrounding cities. Visiting friends and family, BBQ's, hiking, lunch out, grocery shopping and getting acquainted with her new town. Loren was busy getting their fifth wheel ready for the property, and helping his mother. His new job started Monday, the day before I left.
The highlight was going to the San Juan Islands, in Puget Sound. I had never been on a ferry that cars drive onto. It fascinated me. We did not plan very well, having the departure times, but no reservations (something new) for Friday Harbor. We were directed to the 'stand-by' lane, and waited about 1 1/2 hours. Everyone gets into a lane, turns off the car, and is able to go for a walk, or just simply leave the car and come back at a designated time. We met some nice people, and were given wine, and ideas for places to visit. We began to worry - the 3-4 hours of driving, and now waiting in the stand-by lane, it wasn't looking good. But, in the end, we were one of the last 4 cars to be allowed onto the ferry! And it also happened leaving the island the following day. We were ecstatic!
We stayed in a wonderful B&B in Friday Harbor, with a delicious breakfast, meeting a half dozen nice people from all over America.
Pikes Place Market, in Seattle, was also a wonderful place we visited. It's like a farmer's market, with fresh fish, gorgeous flowers, artist's hand made things, and it went on for blocks. We only saw a small part of it, it was fascinating. I missed the very first Starbuck's coffee shop, apparently right across the street. But I didn't know this until after we visited Pike's Place. I don't like standing in long lines, just to say "I did". I mentioned this to a few Seattle people, and they weren't even sure where the first Starbuck's was! Washington state is well worth a visit with it's water and green, lush woods.
Good night and God Bless! Aleta
"Let us be grateful to people who make us happy, they are the charming gardeners who make our souls blossom." Marcel Proust - French novelist and critic
We planned on two days driving, but Loren discovered a bubble in one of the tires. In 100 degree weather, the possibility of that tire blowing is very likely. We were in Yreka and 25 miles from the Oregon border, when he saw the bubble. No tire stores open after 4:00pm on Saturday. We got stuck there Sunday when we were hoping to drive the whole day to Seattle. But honestly, we had a nice motel with air conditioning, cable, and great linens on the beds. Loren is very cautious and an excellent driver. Though I will have to admit there were times Julie and I complained. All in all we were blessed that Loren is cautious and we arrived at our destination alive and well. We arrived Monday night at 9:30pm, after driving 480 miles for 11 hours.
In retrospect, we had a great time. Loren drove the truck, alone, and Julie and I had each other, to talk about important stuff. Girl stuff, you know all that fun, private talk when you are really good friends and everything is quiet. And then when we were really bored, we would make calls to friends and put them on the Blue Tooth, so we could have a three-way conversation, and be entertained. The longer the day, the sillier we got. Giggling at anything.
Julie and I never sat around, once we arrived at their friends property. Everyday we went somewhere. I had 1 week to see Seattle and surrounding cities. Visiting friends and family, BBQ's, hiking, lunch out, grocery shopping and getting acquainted with her new town. Loren was busy getting their fifth wheel ready for the property, and helping his mother. His new job started Monday, the day before I left.
The highlight was going to the San Juan Islands, in Puget Sound. I had never been on a ferry that cars drive onto. It fascinated me. We did not plan very well, having the departure times, but no reservations (something new) for Friday Harbor. We were directed to the 'stand-by' lane, and waited about 1 1/2 hours. Everyone gets into a lane, turns off the car, and is able to go for a walk, or just simply leave the car and come back at a designated time. We met some nice people, and were given wine, and ideas for places to visit. We began to worry - the 3-4 hours of driving, and now waiting in the stand-by lane, it wasn't looking good. But, in the end, we were one of the last 4 cars to be allowed onto the ferry! And it also happened leaving the island the following day. We were ecstatic!
We stayed in a wonderful B&B in Friday Harbor, with a delicious breakfast, meeting a half dozen nice people from all over America.
Pikes Place Market, in Seattle, was also a wonderful place we visited. It's like a farmer's market, with fresh fish, gorgeous flowers, artist's hand made things, and it went on for blocks. We only saw a small part of it, it was fascinating. I missed the very first Starbuck's coffee shop, apparently right across the street. But I didn't know this until after we visited Pike's Place. I don't like standing in long lines, just to say "I did". I mentioned this to a few Seattle people, and they weren't even sure where the first Starbuck's was! Washington state is well worth a visit with it's water and green, lush woods.
Good night and God Bless! Aleta
"Let us be grateful to people who make us happy, they are the charming gardeners who make our souls blossom." Marcel Proust - French novelist and critic
Wednesday, June 17, 2015
PLEASE FORGIVE ME...
Please forgive me for not saying a word the last week and a half. I joined friends, Julie and Loren, on their way back to the state of Washington. I had planned on writing a little but, had wifi trouble with my iPad, and I can't figure out how (or sign into Google Plus) to write on my iPhone - way too small!!
We had a great time, never stopping to sit - from the San Juan Islands, to visiting Julie's friends, playing cards, Gig Harbor, walking in the woods - to name a few. I will write more details tomorrow.
Washington is gorgeous - lush, green, and trees everywhere. Apparently the weather is changing in their state, like us here in California. It was mostly hot, 80's and a few 70 days.
Thank you, good night and God Bless! Aleta
We had a great time, never stopping to sit - from the San Juan Islands, to visiting Julie's friends, playing cards, Gig Harbor, walking in the woods - to name a few. I will write more details tomorrow.
Washington is gorgeous - lush, green, and trees everywhere. Apparently the weather is changing in their state, like us here in California. It was mostly hot, 80's and a few 70 days.
Thank you, good night and God Bless! Aleta
Wednesday, June 3, 2015
WHY IS IT TOUGH TO GET ALONG? RELATIONSHIPS AND PERSONALITY STYLES!
Why are relationships between men and women so difficult at times? There are lots of different reasons. Thousands or perhaps millions of books have been written on relationships. I am just going to brainstorm for a few minutes. This is my take on the "male-female dilemmas" we sometimes face.
Now before I give my humble opinion on this topic, this does NOT mean all women and all men are like this. Women tend to be nurturers and men very task oriented. When we cry, men feel a little helpless and want to fix it so we will stop crying. We don't want them to fix anything, but just listen and perhaps give a hug. Women are sometimes more emotional and men not emotional. We are opposites, yet men and women are attracted to each other. What an odd phenomenon.
When a couple has marriage problems, it's almost always the woman who suggests going to a therapist. Then the man says "I am not going to talk with some stranger, and we don't need any help."
Women are usually the talkers and relaters, talking with people naturally. Finding out all the news on the new baby with the next door neighbors. If it were up to a man and he talked with the neighbor, the man would come home knowing very little. This exact scenario has happened to me. The husband says, the neighbor had a baby. And the woman says "a boy or a girl, or how is the mother, what is the name of the baby?" The husband can only say "I don't know, a baby, that's all I know, I'm not going to ask a million questions". If it were a woman, we would come home knowing all the details, how much the baby weighs, and that the mother is fine, and the baby's name and gender. Females are more interested in relationships, generally speaking. Males are more task oriented. This is one reason why it is very difficult for a man to be out of work. Work for a lot of men is their identity.
The other and more obvious reason for the relationship issues is personality differences. There are four general social styles. If you have ever taken a personality test to see if you are suited for a job, you will recognize some of this. There are different thoughts on the names. But I think you will see the credibility. These are the names I learned from reading some books over twenty five years ago.
The four styles are melancholic, expressive, phlegmatic/amiable, and choleric/driver. Melancholic personality is a person that is very detail oriented, likes things done in an orderly fashion, and usually good at numbers, or a job that takes a lot of concentration and detail. An expressive personality is very outgoing, playful, the life of the party, loves talking with people, ready to drop everything and go do something fun, and can be careless about responsibilities. Phlegmatic is a crazy word isn't it? The way I describe this personality is easy going, gentle and wants to get along with everyone, but they are sometimes non-commital, and would definitely not like being pushed by a choleric. If pushed, this personality can be very stubborn. The last is choleric and they are classically called the lion. Need I say more? They are the leaders, take charge people, domineering and sometimes more bark than bite. They will bull doze people if they can, but we need this personality to get things done. Take a look at history, all the powerful presidents we have had, and you will see their personality style.
In fact, all the personalities are important, and we all have our weaknesses and strengths. And nobody is just one social style. Thank God! :-) We are all a little of at least two social styles, perhaps all four. I almost forgot to mention the animal names of all of them:
melancholic- giraffe, phlegmatic- turtle, expressive- monkey, and as I mentioned choleric- lion. Now doesn't that paint a perfect picture of each style? I can almost hear you laughing, I am certainly smiling.
The next time you are talking with someone at work or a family member, have fun listening and trying to figure out where they fit in. Better yet, have fun figuring out where you fit in. And best of all learn from this so you can get along better with everyone around you! This is why knowing this is so important. Learning to get along with others! I have learned, the hard way I might add, and it's more important to get along - than it is to be right. The personality styles will help immensely and they are no doubt using different names now.
But I still prefer the ones I remember- lion, monkey, giraffe and turtle. Doesn't that paint a picture? I think the animal names are perfect - I can see the giraffe moving slowly and methodically, the turtle peaks his head out and pops back in if something startles him, the monkey of course is jumping around making a lot of noise, having fun but kind of annoying, and the lion simply roars, he is the king of the jungle.
Good night and God Bless! Aleta
"Courage means to keep working a relationship, to continue seeking solutions to difficult problems, and to stay focused during stressful periods." Denis Waitley -author and Motivational Speaker
Now before I give my humble opinion on this topic, this does NOT mean all women and all men are like this. Women tend to be nurturers and men very task oriented. When we cry, men feel a little helpless and want to fix it so we will stop crying. We don't want them to fix anything, but just listen and perhaps give a hug. Women are sometimes more emotional and men not emotional. We are opposites, yet men and women are attracted to each other. What an odd phenomenon.
When a couple has marriage problems, it's almost always the woman who suggests going to a therapist. Then the man says "I am not going to talk with some stranger, and we don't need any help."
Women are usually the talkers and relaters, talking with people naturally. Finding out all the news on the new baby with the next door neighbors. If it were up to a man and he talked with the neighbor, the man would come home knowing very little. This exact scenario has happened to me. The husband says, the neighbor had a baby. And the woman says "a boy or a girl, or how is the mother, what is the name of the baby?" The husband can only say "I don't know, a baby, that's all I know, I'm not going to ask a million questions". If it were a woman, we would come home knowing all the details, how much the baby weighs, and that the mother is fine, and the baby's name and gender. Females are more interested in relationships, generally speaking. Males are more task oriented. This is one reason why it is very difficult for a man to be out of work. Work for a lot of men is their identity.
The other and more obvious reason for the relationship issues is personality differences. There are four general social styles. If you have ever taken a personality test to see if you are suited for a job, you will recognize some of this. There are different thoughts on the names. But I think you will see the credibility. These are the names I learned from reading some books over twenty five years ago.
The four styles are melancholic, expressive, phlegmatic/amiable, and choleric/driver. Melancholic personality is a person that is very detail oriented, likes things done in an orderly fashion, and usually good at numbers, or a job that takes a lot of concentration and detail. An expressive personality is very outgoing, playful, the life of the party, loves talking with people, ready to drop everything and go do something fun, and can be careless about responsibilities. Phlegmatic is a crazy word isn't it? The way I describe this personality is easy going, gentle and wants to get along with everyone, but they are sometimes non-commital, and would definitely not like being pushed by a choleric. If pushed, this personality can be very stubborn. The last is choleric and they are classically called the lion. Need I say more? They are the leaders, take charge people, domineering and sometimes more bark than bite. They will bull doze people if they can, but we need this personality to get things done. Take a look at history, all the powerful presidents we have had, and you will see their personality style.
In fact, all the personalities are important, and we all have our weaknesses and strengths. And nobody is just one social style. Thank God! :-) We are all a little of at least two social styles, perhaps all four. I almost forgot to mention the animal names of all of them:
melancholic- giraffe, phlegmatic- turtle, expressive- monkey, and as I mentioned choleric- lion. Now doesn't that paint a perfect picture of each style? I can almost hear you laughing, I am certainly smiling.
The next time you are talking with someone at work or a family member, have fun listening and trying to figure out where they fit in. Better yet, have fun figuring out where you fit in. And best of all learn from this so you can get along better with everyone around you! This is why knowing this is so important. Learning to get along with others! I have learned, the hard way I might add, and it's more important to get along - than it is to be right. The personality styles will help immensely and they are no doubt using different names now.
But I still prefer the ones I remember- lion, monkey, giraffe and turtle. Doesn't that paint a picture? I think the animal names are perfect - I can see the giraffe moving slowly and methodically, the turtle peaks his head out and pops back in if something startles him, the monkey of course is jumping around making a lot of noise, having fun but kind of annoying, and the lion simply roars, he is the king of the jungle.
Good night and God Bless! Aleta
"Courage means to keep working a relationship, to continue seeking solutions to difficult problems, and to stay focused during stressful periods." Denis Waitley -author and Motivational Speaker
Tuesday, June 2, 2015
MY ANTI-AGING SKIN CARE REGIMEN
Anti-aging skin care is big business. In my opinion it has relevance. I have been called a 'health nut' all my adult life. I like to eat real food that tastes good, and I like to take care of my body. That includes skin care. Guys, you may want to check out here, but remember you also have skin!
I received a fantastic compliment last week from a long time friend. More importantly, she made me realize my new skin care routine was a great idea. She had not seen me since February, just 3 months. She thought I had some plastic surgery done on my face! I said no, but I have been doing something different.
First of all, I always cleanse my face morning and night, use moisturizer, one for daytime, and one for night, and an eye cream treatment. I would occasionally use exfoliating scrub, and some type of mask, but only once or twice a month. I decided to step it up.
I use a great exfoliating scrub from Clinique, called Sparkle Skin. Don't get it near your eyes. (I have read you get more benefit if you exfoliate before using a mask.) I exfoliate twice a week, mid-week and weekend. I also use a charcoal mask, from Origins, that draws out deep-dwelling pore-cloggers, once a week, or so. When it's time for the next mask, I use Luminesce, ultimate lifting mask. It's an online company my friend has and it's called an anti-aging product. It goes on clear and dries within about 20 minutes - you look rather ghoulish, but the result is stunning- firming and soft supple complexion. Don't forget your neck, a sagging neck is the first sign of aging!
Two additional things that are important and may come up as questions. I used to use a toner after cleansing (some have alcohol), however, I have stopped that step and simply rinse with cool water. It is important to wait a minute or two after each step - I know we are all in a hurry, but what is the point of using good products and expect different results, if we slap it on all at once. Ask any good cosmetologist.
After about a month of this new skin care regimen, I saw a difference in my complexion. I knew it was a great idea and I wasn't spending hundreds of dollars a month. I truly believe my skin is in better shape than if I went to a cosmetologist weekly, or monthly. But to hear that my friend thought I had been to a plastic surgeon, that was incredible to me. So.....I just have to share this gold nugget!! And a wonderful, pertinent quote below!!
Thank you, good night and God Bless! Aleta
"Nature gives you the face you have at twenty; it is up to you to merit the face you have at fifty." Coco Chanel - French Fashion Designer
I received a fantastic compliment last week from a long time friend. More importantly, she made me realize my new skin care routine was a great idea. She had not seen me since February, just 3 months. She thought I had some plastic surgery done on my face! I said no, but I have been doing something different.
First of all, I always cleanse my face morning and night, use moisturizer, one for daytime, and one for night, and an eye cream treatment. I would occasionally use exfoliating scrub, and some type of mask, but only once or twice a month. I decided to step it up.
I use a great exfoliating scrub from Clinique, called Sparkle Skin. Don't get it near your eyes. (I have read you get more benefit if you exfoliate before using a mask.) I exfoliate twice a week, mid-week and weekend. I also use a charcoal mask, from Origins, that draws out deep-dwelling pore-cloggers, once a week, or so. When it's time for the next mask, I use Luminesce, ultimate lifting mask. It's an online company my friend has and it's called an anti-aging product. It goes on clear and dries within about 20 minutes - you look rather ghoulish, but the result is stunning- firming and soft supple complexion. Don't forget your neck, a sagging neck is the first sign of aging!
Two additional things that are important and may come up as questions. I used to use a toner after cleansing (some have alcohol), however, I have stopped that step and simply rinse with cool water. It is important to wait a minute or two after each step - I know we are all in a hurry, but what is the point of using good products and expect different results, if we slap it on all at once. Ask any good cosmetologist.
After about a month of this new skin care regimen, I saw a difference in my complexion. I knew it was a great idea and I wasn't spending hundreds of dollars a month. I truly believe my skin is in better shape than if I went to a cosmetologist weekly, or monthly. But to hear that my friend thought I had been to a plastic surgeon, that was incredible to me. So.....I just have to share this gold nugget!! And a wonderful, pertinent quote below!!
Thank you, good night and God Bless! Aleta
"Nature gives you the face you have at twenty; it is up to you to merit the face you have at fifty." Coco Chanel - French Fashion Designer
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