Why are relationships between men and women so difficult at times? There are lots of different reasons. Thousands or perhaps millions of books have been written on relationships. I am just going to brainstorm for a few minutes. This is my take on the "male-female dilemmas" we sometimes face.
Now before I give my humble opinion on this topic, this does NOT mean all women and all men are like this. Women tend to be nurturers and men very task oriented. When we cry, men feel a little helpless and want to fix it so we will stop crying. We don't want them to fix anything, but just listen and perhaps give a hug. Women are sometimes more emotional and men not emotional. We are opposites, yet men and women are attracted to each other. What an odd phenomenon.
When a couple has marriage problems, it's almost always the woman who suggests going to a therapist. Then the man says "I am not going to talk with some stranger, and we don't need any help."
Women are usually the talkers and relaters, talking with people naturally. Finding out all the news on the new baby with the next door neighbors. If it were up to a man and he talked with the neighbor, the man would come home knowing very little. This exact scenario has happened to me. The husband says, the neighbor had a baby. And the woman says "a boy or a girl, or how is the mother, what is the name of the baby?" The husband can only say "I don't know, a baby, that's all I know, I'm not going to ask a million questions". If it were a woman, we would come home knowing all the details, how much the baby weighs, and that the mother is fine, and the baby's name and gender. Females are more interested in relationships, generally speaking. Males are more task oriented. This is one reason why it is very difficult for a man to be out of work. Work for a lot of men is their identity.
The other and more obvious reason for the relationship issues is personality differences. There are four general social styles. If you have ever taken a personality test to see if you are suited for a job, you will recognize some of this. There are different thoughts on the names. But I think you will see the credibility. These are the names I learned from reading some books over twenty five years ago.
The four styles are melancholic, expressive, phlegmatic/amiable, and choleric/driver. Melancholic personality is a person that is very detail oriented, likes things done in an orderly fashion, and usually good at numbers, or a job that takes a lot of concentration and detail. An expressive personality is very outgoing, playful, the life of the party, loves talking with people, ready to drop everything and go do something fun, and can be careless about responsibilities. Phlegmatic is a crazy word isn't it? The way I describe this personality is easy going, gentle and wants to get along with everyone, but they are sometimes non-commital, and would definitely not like being pushed by a choleric. If pushed, this personality can be very stubborn. The last is choleric and they are classically called the lion. Need I say more? They are the leaders, take charge people, domineering and sometimes more bark than bite. They will bull doze people if they can, but we need this personality to get things done. Take a look at history, all the powerful presidents we have had, and you will see their personality style.
In fact, all the personalities are important, and we all have our weaknesses and strengths. And nobody is just one social style. Thank God! :-) We are all a little of at least two social styles, perhaps all four. I almost forgot to mention the animal names of all of them:
melancholic- giraffe, phlegmatic- turtle, expressive- monkey, and as I mentioned choleric- lion. Now doesn't that paint a perfect picture of each style? I can almost hear you laughing, I am certainly smiling.
The next time you are talking with someone at work or a family member, have fun listening and trying to figure out where they fit in. Better yet, have fun figuring out where you fit in. And best of all learn from this so you can get along better with everyone around you! This is why knowing this is so important. Learning to get along with others! I have learned, the hard way I might add, and it's more important to get along - than it is to be right. The personality styles will help immensely and they are no doubt using different names now.
But I still prefer the ones I remember- lion, monkey, giraffe and turtle. Doesn't that paint a picture? I think the animal names are perfect - I can see the giraffe moving slowly and methodically, the turtle peaks his head out and pops back in if something startles him, the monkey of course is jumping around making a lot of noise, having fun but kind of annoying, and the lion simply roars, he is the king of the jungle.
Good night and God Bless! Aleta
"Courage means to keep working a relationship, to continue seeking solutions to difficult problems, and to stay focused during stressful periods." Denis Waitley -author and Motivational Speaker
No comments:
Post a Comment