Oops!! I forgot to write that I am visiting my kids and grand daughter in the Midwest now! Unfortunately, I got a cold from the nasty re-cycled airplane air. The good news is I didn't make anyone else sick. But I feel lousy and low energy.
We had a great birthday party for Rosalie and lots of nice family time. I love seeing my kids and always glad to be back in my own bed - home sweet home!!
Thursday, July 16, 2015
Thursday, July 9, 2015
WHY IS LOVE SO TOUGH ON US?
Why does love hurt so much? (This may be a girlfriend post :-) I am speaking from a theoretical, and personal point of view. Sometimes we want to share our feelings but it can be confusing. In the end we have to go through it alone. Figure it all out on our own, no matter how much a friend thinks she sees it clearly. Women sometimes want to talk about a relationship with a friend. Yet, the opinions aren't always welcome. So I really don't know why we continue doing it. There are probably several different reasons....we want some help figuring things out, we like to share our secrets with that special friend, we can't wait to tell her, and we are excited and just love to talk about all the new (personal) gossip.
One thing is certain - let's hope we can learn from our mistakes. Honestly, I hope that I have learned from a recent mistake. A few months ago, I met a wonderful man who is smart, tons of energy, affectionate, honest, the list is long. Though the other list is shorter, it is extremely important. And I chose to ignore the signs....signs that were there at the beginning. A little voice that some how knew something was missing. I was always trying to understand him, yet he didn't seem to want to know me as well as I wanted to know him. I kept saying "he is a logical social style and I am an expressive". That was my reasoning for letting it go so long. The fact that logical, scientist types don't express much is true. But I was hoping and wishing and not thinking clearly.
If we have to try that hard then something is deeply wrong. One thing I know for sure: we have to be HAPPY with ourselves! I want to wake up each morning knowing that I am learning and growing and changing, and always becoming the best "Me" I can be. Ultimately, it is our own self worth that means the most. When we decide to share life with someone, we need to be at our best, independent, and strong self. We can't count on the other person to make us happy. We are setting ourselves up for disappointment and failure.
This post turned into a different, very personal writing. Expressing myself in prose is very therapeutic for me. But I also hope my story helps others. After all we have a lot in common - we are humans, and there are two types, as I once told my 3 sons when they were small - boys and girls! It's funny how we can complicate life. And then we have the ability to learn and grow and change!
Thank you, good night and God Bless! Aleta
"When we are no longer able to change a situation, we are challenged to change ourselves." Victor Frankl- Austrian Psychiatrist, and Holocaust survivor
One thing is certain - let's hope we can learn from our mistakes. Honestly, I hope that I have learned from a recent mistake. A few months ago, I met a wonderful man who is smart, tons of energy, affectionate, honest, the list is long. Though the other list is shorter, it is extremely important. And I chose to ignore the signs....signs that were there at the beginning. A little voice that some how knew something was missing. I was always trying to understand him, yet he didn't seem to want to know me as well as I wanted to know him. I kept saying "he is a logical social style and I am an expressive". That was my reasoning for letting it go so long. The fact that logical, scientist types don't express much is true. But I was hoping and wishing and not thinking clearly.
If we have to try that hard then something is deeply wrong. One thing I know for sure: we have to be HAPPY with ourselves! I want to wake up each morning knowing that I am learning and growing and changing, and always becoming the best "Me" I can be. Ultimately, it is our own self worth that means the most. When we decide to share life with someone, we need to be at our best, independent, and strong self. We can't count on the other person to make us happy. We are setting ourselves up for disappointment and failure.
This post turned into a different, very personal writing. Expressing myself in prose is very therapeutic for me. But I also hope my story helps others. After all we have a lot in common - we are humans, and there are two types, as I once told my 3 sons when they were small - boys and girls! It's funny how we can complicate life. And then we have the ability to learn and grow and change!
Thank you, good night and God Bless! Aleta
"When we are no longer able to change a situation, we are challenged to change ourselves." Victor Frankl- Austrian Psychiatrist, and Holocaust survivor
Tuesday, July 7, 2015
LEARNING FROM MY MISTAKES
I problem solve when I lay my head down to sleep. Sometimes it's figuring something out, and then other times it's rehashing the day, which can be annoying and unproductive. But I have solved many problems and I guess that's why I keep doing it. The chief motivation is learning from my mistakes. To learn and grow and change is extremely important. And then waking up in the morning knowing exactly what to do is rewarding. I have woken up knowing an apology was due a friend. Then my thoughts won't be quiet until I apologize and clear the air. It may not be anything to the other person, but if my thoughts are consumed with it, I have to handle it.
Of course, there have been numerous times when I needed to seriously apologize for something. No matter how much I may dread a possible confrontation, an apology is the only solution. It's the only thing that will quiet my thoughts. Ultimately it's the one solution that makes sense to me. Apologies strengthen friendships and shows others that we care. They make us accountable for our actions, and that in itself, gives us the confidence to do it again. I feel relieved afterwards, because though it was uncomfortable, I can now live with myself.
This writing did not come easily today. In fact, I sat here thinking and writing and deleting for a very long time. And no, I did not have an apology to make recently. Sometimes a friend or family member will ask me if I was writing about such and such. Today was simply one thought, and one sentence growing into another thought, etc.
Thank you, good night and God Bless! Aleta
"Worry is the interest paid by those who borrow trouble." George Washington
Of course, there have been numerous times when I needed to seriously apologize for something. No matter how much I may dread a possible confrontation, an apology is the only solution. It's the only thing that will quiet my thoughts. Ultimately it's the one solution that makes sense to me. Apologies strengthen friendships and shows others that we care. They make us accountable for our actions, and that in itself, gives us the confidence to do it again. I feel relieved afterwards, because though it was uncomfortable, I can now live with myself.
This writing did not come easily today. In fact, I sat here thinking and writing and deleting for a very long time. And no, I did not have an apology to make recently. Sometimes a friend or family member will ask me if I was writing about such and such. Today was simply one thought, and one sentence growing into another thought, etc.
Thank you, good night and God Bless! Aleta
"Worry is the interest paid by those who borrow trouble." George Washington
RETRACTION
Retraction: Recently I had a follow- up visit with the vascular surgeon who recommended my compression stockings. He stressed that only the full stockings be worn, not the ones that go from the ankle up to the knee. I had gotten the wrong information from someone in his office.
We risk swelling in the ankles. I see many people wearing the shorter style. However, if you have any ankle swelling, or problematic veins, please see a vascular doctor.
I realize it is tough to were these in hot weather, but I have heard nothing but good reports when people are on their feet all day for work.
Thank you! Aleta
We risk swelling in the ankles. I see many people wearing the shorter style. However, if you have any ankle swelling, or problematic veins, please see a vascular doctor.
I realize it is tough to were these in hot weather, but I have heard nothing but good reports when people are on their feet all day for work.
Thank you! Aleta
Wednesday, July 1, 2015
FAILURE IS NEVER FINAL UNLESS IT'S THE LAST TIME YOU'RE GOING TO TRY!
The above title is a quote from an anonymous author. I have not been able to substantiate the original author. This afternoon I was looking through my notebook of writing ideas. And I kept running across some of my favorite quotes. I sure hope my readers don't skip the end of my posts. Because I spend a lot of time choosing the quotes, and try hard to make sure they pertain to my subject matter. I love love love quotes, and hope to impart some of that love, and education to my readers! Give me a quote that means something to me and I can write about it. They are important to me, they move me. Sometimes they can take my breath away.
"The true sign of intelligence is not knowledge but imagination." Author Albert Einstein. When I first read that some years ago, it made me feel smarter, and gave me a huge boost of confidence. Remember my parents thought I wasn't very bright. They did not know about learning disabilities in the '50's. Albert Einstein was thought to be retarded by the age of 5 because he wasn't speaking yet. Just imagine what we could accomplish if we didn't listen to nay-sayers. Or didn't listen to our well-meaning parents. But instead when we thought about something we wanted to do, we just went ahead and did it! That is called imagination, and passion, and perseverance, and thinking things through. Every great person in history has had to go through tons of adversity from jealous co-workers, negative family members, and people that simply did not understand their dream. Those negative people certainly didn't have the knowledge to understand their field. Scientists say we only use about 10% of our brain. But I have read it might be as little as 3-4%. Studies have shown that we can increase our grey matter, and increase our intelligence. But it all starts with a good positive attitude about "who we think we are"!
"It's not what happens to you, but how you react to what happens to you." Author Epictetus, Greek Philosopher. Wow! This is important for all of us. This is all about attitude, a good or bad attitude will make or break us. #%$@ happens to everyone! Whether it's health issues, or job, or our family members, or negative friends. I am not saying tough it out and get over it. This is a tough one because life is always a struggle. And hurt feelings can last a life time, if we let them. The more life I live, the more I admire the strength I see in people. Some people can just focus on what's in front of them, and then deal with the "problem" at the end of their day. That is tough for emotional people like me. I have learned over the last several years to focus on what is right in front of me. I learned this the hard way. Only 7% of what we worry about actually comes to fruition. Either the problem will go away and never happen, or it will still be there when we get home. Falling apart emotionally never helps any situation, it makes things more difficult and we don't think clearly.
Thank you, good night and God Bless! Aleta
"There is only one corner of the universe you can be certain of improving, and that's your own self." Aldous Huxley - English writer and philosopher, author of "Brave New World".
"The true sign of intelligence is not knowledge but imagination." Author Albert Einstein. When I first read that some years ago, it made me feel smarter, and gave me a huge boost of confidence. Remember my parents thought I wasn't very bright. They did not know about learning disabilities in the '50's. Albert Einstein was thought to be retarded by the age of 5 because he wasn't speaking yet. Just imagine what we could accomplish if we didn't listen to nay-sayers. Or didn't listen to our well-meaning parents. But instead when we thought about something we wanted to do, we just went ahead and did it! That is called imagination, and passion, and perseverance, and thinking things through. Every great person in history has had to go through tons of adversity from jealous co-workers, negative family members, and people that simply did not understand their dream. Those negative people certainly didn't have the knowledge to understand their field. Scientists say we only use about 10% of our brain. But I have read it might be as little as 3-4%. Studies have shown that we can increase our grey matter, and increase our intelligence. But it all starts with a good positive attitude about "who we think we are"!
"It's not what happens to you, but how you react to what happens to you." Author Epictetus, Greek Philosopher. Wow! This is important for all of us. This is all about attitude, a good or bad attitude will make or break us. #%$@ happens to everyone! Whether it's health issues, or job, or our family members, or negative friends. I am not saying tough it out and get over it. This is a tough one because life is always a struggle. And hurt feelings can last a life time, if we let them. The more life I live, the more I admire the strength I see in people. Some people can just focus on what's in front of them, and then deal with the "problem" at the end of their day. That is tough for emotional people like me. I have learned over the last several years to focus on what is right in front of me. I learned this the hard way. Only 7% of what we worry about actually comes to fruition. Either the problem will go away and never happen, or it will still be there when we get home. Falling apart emotionally never helps any situation, it makes things more difficult and we don't think clearly.
Thank you, good night and God Bless! Aleta
"There is only one corner of the universe you can be certain of improving, and that's your own self." Aldous Huxley - English writer and philosopher, author of "Brave New World".
Tuesday, June 30, 2015
WHAT FILTERS DO WE HAVE, AND WHEN SHOULD WE USE THEM?
What is a filter? It's a moment in time when we blurt something inappropriate out, or simply say something we wish we hadn't. How often does that happen? Too often I'm afraid. We learn by our mistakes, usually. Maybe I should say hopefully. Children of course are the worst offenders, but we can chuckle at their innocent, and often hilarious comments. Sometimes it takes adults a lifetime.
Growing up we always heard "think before you speak". That is sometimes hard to do, especially if you think a long time has passed. You begin to perspire and, forget it, if you are anything like me, your mind goes blank and everything is lost. That is the worst case scenario.
Learning how to relate with difficult or angry people is where we can get our practice. There is plenty of that these days, I think?! The best thing to do is hold our tongues and just listen. I have said this in other posts, learn to say "Let me think about it". This simple 5 word sentence will save you. Usually when we get away from the incident and tension, ideas come into focus. It has certainly happened to me over and over. Hundreds of times over the years, I have either said something wrong or not been able to say anything. Then later I think "Why didn't I say.....". I have lots of great ideas....after the fact, and I'm probably not alone.
Being quiet gives us time to think about a response, because I have learned the hard way. I would rather be polite and subservient in a difficult situation, because I never want to be unkind and have regrets later. Now don't get me wrong, I will not sit back and let someone get hurt. Or if I see an injustice, I will figure out some way to intervene, or get help. God has blessed me and I have never been hurt. I could not live with myself if I decided to walk away without helping.
Life is always easier with people who understand us. (This goes back to my posts on relationships and personalities.) But life isn't always that simple. Learning when to use our filters to simply get along in our world, does make life easier.
Thank you, good night and God Bless!! Aleta
"The art of being wise is the art of knowing what to overlook." William James -American Philosopher and Psychologist
Growing up we always heard "think before you speak". That is sometimes hard to do, especially if you think a long time has passed. You begin to perspire and, forget it, if you are anything like me, your mind goes blank and everything is lost. That is the worst case scenario.
Learning how to relate with difficult or angry people is where we can get our practice. There is plenty of that these days, I think?! The best thing to do is hold our tongues and just listen. I have said this in other posts, learn to say "Let me think about it". This simple 5 word sentence will save you. Usually when we get away from the incident and tension, ideas come into focus. It has certainly happened to me over and over. Hundreds of times over the years, I have either said something wrong or not been able to say anything. Then later I think "Why didn't I say.....". I have lots of great ideas....after the fact, and I'm probably not alone.
Being quiet gives us time to think about a response, because I have learned the hard way. I would rather be polite and subservient in a difficult situation, because I never want to be unkind and have regrets later. Now don't get me wrong, I will not sit back and let someone get hurt. Or if I see an injustice, I will figure out some way to intervene, or get help. God has blessed me and I have never been hurt. I could not live with myself if I decided to walk away without helping.
Life is always easier with people who understand us. (This goes back to my posts on relationships and personalities.) But life isn't always that simple. Learning when to use our filters to simply get along in our world, does make life easier.
Thank you, good night and God Bless!! Aleta
"The art of being wise is the art of knowing what to overlook." William James -American Philosopher and Psychologist
Thursday, June 25, 2015
MY FRIENDSHIPS HAVE TAUGHT ME A LOT!
The weather changes drastically in a half hour when you live on the coast. This morning going over the hill it went like this - 60 - 68 - 74. But at 2:00 it was really drastic 84 - 79 - 74 -63. That is why this northern coast is called a resort. You combine the beautiful Pacific Ocean, and mountains to the east, you have lovely communities - laid back and peaceful. When my husband and I moved here years ago, we noticed how friendly the people were. One day, years ago, a lady overheard us talking about the car trouble we were having, and she offered to drive us home. It was surprising being only a half hour away, how different the people were.
Today I met with a friend and we had fun catching up. She was actually working, but we laughed and made plans to see other soon. Having friends that understand you, care about you, and friends with whom you share similar interests and thoughts is incredibly important. It makes us feel good about ourselves. Making friends isn't always easy because there is some risk involved, if you think about it. By risk I mean being vulnerable, we have to be transparent and sometimes that can turn against us. The obvious differences in personality also will either make or break a friendship. That usually is discovered right away, but not always. Sharing personal information with a new friend can be scary because we don't know how they will react, if they will judge, or even gossip. Past mistakes has taught me well. But it does take years of experience - I call that wisdom. The one thing I love about being older - wisdom!!
Why aren't friendships easy to cultivate? First of all everyone is too busy. We can't get away because we are so attached to all of our techy toys. Young kids aren't the only ones that need to have time away from their iPads. I will admit I am hooked on technology. I must google a dozen times a day, looking up information, or the definition of a word, or a phone number.
Back to friendships. Of course I looked up the definition of friend: someone who knows, likes, and trusts you. We need to be good listeners, listen twice as much as we speak. I have read we have lots of acquaintances but only a few close friends. We need to feel safe with friends. Comfortable enough that we can be quiet when we are together. If we don't feel well, a good friend will notice and know what we need. This is very simplistic, but in order to have a friend we need to be a friend. Simplistic and yet very important. And we need to learn to "ask for help". This is still difficult for me to do. We are giving a blessing to others when we ask for help. We should not deny our friends these blessings. Otherwise, how can we offer to help others?!
I have many friends but I only have a few close friends. And spending time alone at this stage of my life has taught me how to be the "best me" I can be.
Thank you, good night and God Bless! Aleta
"One of the most beautiful qualities of true friendship is to understand and to be understood."
Lucius Annaeus Seneca - Roman Stoic and statesman
Today I met with a friend and we had fun catching up. She was actually working, but we laughed and made plans to see other soon. Having friends that understand you, care about you, and friends with whom you share similar interests and thoughts is incredibly important. It makes us feel good about ourselves. Making friends isn't always easy because there is some risk involved, if you think about it. By risk I mean being vulnerable, we have to be transparent and sometimes that can turn against us. The obvious differences in personality also will either make or break a friendship. That usually is discovered right away, but not always. Sharing personal information with a new friend can be scary because we don't know how they will react, if they will judge, or even gossip. Past mistakes has taught me well. But it does take years of experience - I call that wisdom. The one thing I love about being older - wisdom!!
Why aren't friendships easy to cultivate? First of all everyone is too busy. We can't get away because we are so attached to all of our techy toys. Young kids aren't the only ones that need to have time away from their iPads. I will admit I am hooked on technology. I must google a dozen times a day, looking up information, or the definition of a word, or a phone number.
Back to friendships. Of course I looked up the definition of friend: someone who knows, likes, and trusts you. We need to be good listeners, listen twice as much as we speak. I have read we have lots of acquaintances but only a few close friends. We need to feel safe with friends. Comfortable enough that we can be quiet when we are together. If we don't feel well, a good friend will notice and know what we need. This is very simplistic, but in order to have a friend we need to be a friend. Simplistic and yet very important. And we need to learn to "ask for help". This is still difficult for me to do. We are giving a blessing to others when we ask for help. We should not deny our friends these blessings. Otherwise, how can we offer to help others?!
I have many friends but I only have a few close friends. And spending time alone at this stage of my life has taught me how to be the "best me" I can be.
Thank you, good night and God Bless! Aleta
"One of the most beautiful qualities of true friendship is to understand and to be understood."
Lucius Annaeus Seneca - Roman Stoic and statesman
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