There were some discrepancies as to the author of this wonderful quote. I am only sorry I can't give them credit, I suspect it is old. I found it on a box of lovely greeting cards from Mary Engelbreit. This simple thought is not simple at all. It's complex and deep and complicated. It's all relative, depending on who you are talking about, isn't it?
My brother and I were talking last week and I talked about being myself. In his own imitable way he laughed and said, Aleta, who else are you going to be?! Intimating what a ludicrous thing to say. For my brother, some things are black or white, no grey. He is task oriented, full speed ahead, and very focused. I get that - and I love our differences.
For most of us we have to work hard to be ourselves. The difficulty comes from so many different areas of our lives. The list is endless, but to name a few: our upbringing, sibling rivalry, childhood bullies, divorced parents, poverty, and certainly our own inadequacies. No doubt thousands or even millions of books have been written on this very subject.
Some of us fear this growth and change, some of us aren't aware of it, some see it but can't seem to do anything about it, and some are aware but simply don't care. The last one is probably caused by bitterness and resentment. For me the fear came from feeling guilty, turmoil in my mind, and the role playing I went through - all drove me nuts. I knew I wasn't being true to myself, but to go through such nonsense all the time seemed pointless - I hated it and wanted to be proactive about it.
Learning to be honest with myself and others was the best solution for me. I think it means being accountable, which to me means being a good citizen - doing my job as a mom a wife and an employee. Easy to say. But for me that started about 30 years ago.
So, how am I doing now? Over the years I have learned how to be assertive, but the people pleaser 'me' did not get along with the 'me' that was trying to be assertive! For some reason I fell into the role of taking care of everyone in my family. I am very grateful bitterness never reared it's ugly head. Always wanting to be happy and easy going was easiest for me. Plus the little things I did seemed to keep the family happy, and I enjoyed my role, I enjoyed the accolades.
The words 'Be myself' became very important to me this past week. I finally got it. I was getting ready one morning and started thinking - how would I respond to an email? All of a sudden the words came flying out of my mouth, out loud, 'BE MYSELF'! Duh!! That's it, and why am I trying to change the words to please someone. In the end, if I am not myself, I will be unhappy. It may be hard to understand but it was a huge revelation for me. The people pleaser me.
I am having so much fun this past year. I feel like I graduated from something important and the whole world just opened up for me. I have many friends, long time friends and new special ones. I have made my house my own, comfortable for my needs. Nothing expensive or drastic, but it's mine. I let myself take ballroom dance lessons last year and I loved it. They are expensive and quite a drive to get to, but I am glad I did it. I went to Italy by myself for three weeks and had a ball. It was a small town, Cava de Tirenni, in southern Italy. I went on buses to do tourist things and I got nervous a few times and thought I was crazy. But I got through it and in the end loved every minute.
On my return trip home, that very morning, Lufthansa Airlines went on strike and I was stuck in Naples, standing in a line with a hundred other people waiting for 5 hours to get on another flight. It was tough standing that long, and some people were livid. But I met some nice people including a woman from Naples who gave me her phone number and said if I get back to Naples, she wants to show me how beautiful it is. The airline had to put me up in a Holiday Inn in Naples that night, and then I flew to Paris, France, and stayed one night. Poor me - but someone had to do it!!
My resiliency and openness to an adventure kicked in. I arrived at the hotel at 4, and left at 4:30 in a cab to Paris. A 40 minute drive, and the cab driver was a gentleman, he spoke 3 languages, and I felt very comfortable with him. By the time I got to Paris, I devised a plan. He drove me to the Arch de- Triomph, and then Eiffel Tower, and I got out for 5 minutes at each stop and took some photos. Then he dropped me off at the Notre Dame Cathedral. I walked around, took lots of photos, and had a delicious dinner in a French restaurant. I then called my driver and he brought me back to my hotel. The next morning I flew back to San Francisco. A whirlwind 4 hour tourist evening in Paris, and all paid for by Lufthansa! (Except the cab.) Yeah!!! I loved it and was so grateful for my gift!
This 3 week trip was my training to find the author in me. Because every day I wrote about my Italy adventures - it was my focus and it kept me in touch with my family. It was a risk I took and I loved every minute of it. I never knew I could do all that - and alone - and now I am bearing the fruits.
Who am I?? I am myself because.... who else is better qualified?
Thank you, and God Bless! Aleta
"The eyes of my eyes are opened." -E.E. Cummings, poet
No comments:
Post a Comment