I am on a lifetime journey to discover myself. To be constantly learning and getting better, and changing. That explains the hunger to read self help books years ago. I was told today to just be myself. I think I am getting better at that now, having been a people-pleaser as a child.
As we go through our childhood years, teen years, and young adulthood, we are kind of thrust into our destined paths. We are born into a family and we have our different roles, as we grow up. Different expectations with high school, and college for some of us. Certainly learning how to make money and taking care of ourselves financially. Then as a twenty or thirty something we might want to settle down and have a family. Or perhaps we have a fabulous career and that is all we want.
What does all this mean to me - with my kids grown and married, and me being alone now - why have I become so pensive? I don't mean in a melancholy way. Perhaps I have the time to be 'Me' and the real me is surfacing and more confident than ever. I have definitely found the author in me and I love that. I will say this periodically, with age comes wisdom! The very best part of getting older is the wisdom we gain. It feels so much better to be well-rounded in work and play, for me at least.
We are all different, thank God, but the retirement years can be very fulfilling. We can learn a new language, read books about subjects we have always been interested in, take classes, travel if the finances are there, write stories or books, even write a family history to leave for our grand children.
In my first paragraph, I mentioned someone told me to be myself. I have to learn to date again, I was never really very good at it anyway. I don't want to make the same mistakes with men I made years ago. For the last year I have been seeing a therapist, MFT, and it has been the best decision. Some people are surprised when I share this freely. I don't understand that thinking, but I know some people are more private than I am. It makes me feel very proud and happy to tell people. Since I love people and interact with them easily, it only makes sense for me to be open. My therapist recently told me I was very courageous at my age to do this. I suppose I am, but it goes along with just becoming a better human being.
I am not sure how to end this today. But it's enough for now. It is a topic very dear to me and I have gotten pretty deep. But I love that I can share what is on my heart, and some days I just ask myself -
"Who is that?" And then I just chuckle! I definitely re-read my posts and I still can't quite believe it.
Good night and God Bless! Aleta
"Inside every older person is a younger person - wondering what the hell happened?"
- Cora Harvey Armstrong
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