Dictionary.com defines a friend: n. a person attached to another by feelings of affection or personal regard; a person who is on good terms with another. I also like the definition from my American Heritage dictionary: a person whom one knows, likes and trusts. Simple, direct and concise - know, like, and trust. However, to some degree friendship is different for each of us, isn't it?
Accountability is important in all personal relationships, and most definitely in a friendship. You trust a friend will be completely and totally honest with you. You trust each other with your lives, your children, your home - everything. You know each other and accept all your imperfections, all the weaknesses and of course all the strengths. That reminds me of one of my favorite songs, All Of Me, by John Legend...."love all your curves and all your edges, all your perfect imperfections". Yes, he is talking about how he loves his wife, but we need to also accept all the imperfections of our friends - because we are all imperfect.
God has given me a huge heart for people. I realize not everyone is as outgoing and friendly as I am. Nor does everyone like talking with strangers like I sometimes do. I notice things as I go about my day, and I love to encourage, and talk to people. We are all made differently, different personalities, different priorities. Being intuitive can be a blessing and a curse at times. But the benefit is I can empathize with people and understand things they are going through. I can listen with my ears, eyes, and my heart. As a friend, I want to always be there, whether it's for a ride to the airport, listening about a friend's sick child, or just spending time together. I have noticed that with a good friend there can be quiet times, and it's still comfortable. And if you can say let's agree to disagree without doing any damage, that is a good friendship.
Affection is easy for some of us, and I am definitely a hugger. I have read touch is very important in relating to people. Good sales people learn to use if effectively. But we aren't all huggers nor outwardly affectionate, and it's important to respect that.
Understanding that friendships are never perfect, we need to learn to see them realistically. Our friends fill different needs. One friend might love to read the same books that I do. But it's not possible to travel together because we have completely different ideas on what is fun. Most people are vulnerable and have a huge fear of being rejected. After all, we are all complicated human beings with emotions, needs, and expectations. It's tough to tell a friend something uncomfortable, maybe something they said you didn't like. I have been there, and it takes both to talk and listen and forgive.
We all have insecurities.
I read a book by Lucy Swindoll (a long time ago) and she talked about a friend of hers that was kind, graceful, never raising her voice, and sweet and thoughtful. She went on to say we can learn to be sweeter to other people when "We listen when we'd rather speak. Learn when we'd rather teach. We understand when we'd rather be understood." She suggested doing six things that might help us toward that end. Forget yourself. Ask questions. Take time. Reach out. Be kind. Show up. I never forgot these words and even considered putting them in a frame, to hang on my wall. So simple and yet so difficult to do on a daily basis. I have learned to bite my tongue, now at my age, only because I have said too many things I wish I could take back over the years. I am very grateful for all my friends!
Good night and God Bless! Aleta
"Friendship doubles our joy and divides our grief." - anonymous
No comments:
Post a Comment