CHRISTMAS AND DANGEROUS PIES!

December is such a frenetic time of year. My way of not getting caught up in the craziness may be a little unconventional...or maybe not. All the commercialism is offensive. None of us needs more stuff, but I do love to give gifts. My compromise is simple. Since my kids are all adults and I loathe giving gifts they don't like, I give my sons cash and they can buy what they want. The girls are fun to buy for, sometimes we go shopping together for their gifts. Of course my grand daughter, Rosalie, is fun to buy for.

Christmas is still my favorite holiday. The lights, ornaments, all the different types of trees, little surprises, sentimental cards and ecards, baking, and meals with family and friends, it's all lovely. This year I have been baking a lot, and giving it away as a 'thank you', or a Christmas gift. There is one last piece of pie, banana cream pie, in my refrigerator. It is left over from Monday, when I brought dinner to friends who had a health scare. Since I still had all the ingredients for a pie, I also brought dessert. I almost wish I hadn't.

It started with a thank you to my friend Keith who loaned me his car for a day. His favorite pie is banana cream pie. My first reaction was...but I have never made banana cream pie. Always willing to take a risk, I researched the web for the best scratch recipe. Never wanting to make a homemade pie with box pudding, or anything store bought, I read through about 20 recipes until I found the perfect one. This recipe calls for custard, milk, cornstarch, sugar, and salt. This is a very dangerous recipe. The homemade custard is divine, and I knew I was in trouble with the first bite. Hot, creamy, sweet and oh so smooth and delicate. The most delicious thing I have ever tasted. (I will try to find the recipe so I can pass on the link.)

My dilemma? This last piece of pie is calling to me, even as I write. Custard, bananas, firm yet freckled-sweet, fresh whipping cream, and homemade crust. Being good during the day is easy, it's late at night when I feel the weakest. My options are: throw it away (I have thrown away desserts many times), give it away, or tomorrow is Christmas Eve and someone will be very excited about finding it. Throwing it away is not an option, it's too yummy. Giving it away is tough when it's one single piece of pie. Leaving it in the frig is very dangerous. My brain will figure out what to do...I will let you know. (I called my neighbor friend over and we visited while she ate my pie.)

Today is busy with a few last minute things to do. Grocery shop, put clean sheets on the beds, finish cards to my kids, (I only send cards to my family) and make sure my house is ready for Christmas....and here I am sitting in my bathrobe and writing at 11 am. Well, that's me, when I feel the writer in me coming out, it's best to stop what I am doing and write. It feels superb! By the way, sending cards out after Christmas is a life-long habit, and that's alright. It's the sentiment for a wonderful Christmas and Happy and Healthy New Year that are important. Christmas Eve morning I am making delicious butter cookies for Christmas Eve service at my church.

My wish is that all of you have a wonderful December year end, with family and friends. Whether you are Christian, Jewish, Muslim, Buddhist, or no religious beliefs, I wish you a healthy, happy, and prosperous 2016! Be kind, be loving, and we can all give the gift of a smile every day. That one simple gift may save someone's life.

God bless us everyone!    With love, Aleta

"When you arise in the morning, think of what a precious privilege it is to be alive, to breathe, to think, to enjoy, to love."   Marcus Aurelius  -  Roman Emperor 100 AD

MY ADVENTURE TODAY!!

Today has been the craziest day! Phone lines on and off for hours, both mobile and landline. Wifi sketchy as well. On top of that, I am without my car and wondering how am I going to hear from the mechanic. Also the bill could total hundreds of dollars, and I am wondering what the news will be, $500 or $600 or? An engine light kept coming on, and periodically my Mini sounded terrible, like it was missing. Confession....I was a dingbat too, putting in coolant when I was supposed to use window washer fluid, ugh! The good news is it was only about 1/2 a cup. The bad news is my service provider at the Mini dealership said "Ohhh, that's not good...I will have to let you know what the charge will be." We never want to hear our mechanic say "Ohhh, that's not good". Looking on the bright side, it's better than hearing our doctor say "Oops, that's not good"!

No, the crazy day isn't over quite yet, but it does get better. My landline began to show signs of improving and I received a call from Mini. (I can't make outside calls, but the mechanic was able to call me, weird.) He has good news for me, the check engine light was verified to be the high pressure fuel pump, and it came under some federal law and is covered under...blah blah blah. Listening to the voice mail 3 times didn't really help me understand why the light came on. But it doesn't matter, because my charge was $00, and I was happy. They changed the oil and checked all the fluids, as they do on a regular service appointment. You want to know about the coolant in the window washer thing-a-ma-bob? The mechanic said it wasn't enough to cause problems and I could simply fill it up with washer fluid. I hope he is right.  Just because the lettering is blue like the washer fluid, doesn't mean I don't have to R.E.A.D.

There is more...and it gets even better, though I still wasn't thinking clearly. It was about 2:30 and they close at 6. Being independent and not wanting to bother a friend for a ride (45 minute drive minimum without traffic, and there is never no traffic in Silicon Valley), I get on the web to see the bus schedule (a 10 minute walk). Mind you, I am not sure what the next step will be once I get over the hill. Having gathered my coat, cell phone (No Service), and purse, I step outside and have to ask my 13 year old neighbor boy for change for the bus, having only large bills. Walking, half running I start praying "Please God let me see someone I know for a ride". Right then I see my neighbor, John, (lucky he remembers me from walking my dog, Tashi), being in the next block we weren't exactly running into each other very often. I walk up to his car and say hello, is he headed down the hill. Yes, he can take me to my bus stop, but he isn't going south but going north. That was okay because at least I will make the bus.

Each car that approached the corner, I wondered if I knew them. In about 5 minutes my bus will come and I will be on my way, on my poorly thought out plan. (You know what I am saying to myself, right?) All of a sudden I see my neighbor, George, in his Corvette, and not being quiet or shy, I walk toward him and start waving my arm trying to catch his attention. He almost got away, and then he caught sight of me. And yes, he was going south, not over the hill, but this next leg of my trip would be with George. George is a techy personality, just the friend I need sometimes to help me think things through. He listened to my dilemma, and he was not sure I would make it to Mini with rush hour traffic, using public transportation. The more he asked questions, the more I realized tomorrow was a better day to pick up my car. Starting first thing in the morning would ensure getting there, and I would miss that awful afternoon traffic. Besides that, he used to work in Silicon Valley, and told me what public transits to use. He also mentioned how expensive a cab would be also.

Apparently his cell service was fine, and he answered a call...bad boy. A good call for me though, because now he has to return home. In his distraction...me...he forgot to stop by someones house. Now I not only get personalized counseling on how to pick up my car in the comfort of a sleek Corvette, I also get a ride all the way back to my house, and I thanked him profusely.

If you are a regular reader of this blog, do you now see why I always say 'I am so blessed'? George was my angel today, in more ways than one. When I told him so, he just smiled in a gentlemanly way, with his soft spoken manner. And no, he is not single, I know some of you are wondering that, so I will just put it out there.

Tomorrow morning at 10:45 I have an appointment at my house, and afterwards he will be heading over the hill, and guess who will be his guest? Won't it be interesting to see if he needs to go down to Silicon Valley, his other office location. Either way my adventure will be more thought out and less stressful tomorrow. I am so blessed!!

Thank you, good night and God Bless!   Aleta

"May He give you the desires of your heart and make all your plans succeed."  Psalm 20:4

"Let me encourage you to get up every day and focus on what you do have in life. Be thankful for the blessings of the little things, even when you don't get what you expect."  Victoria Osteen - pastor and author

DO YOU LET MUSIC INTO YOUR SOUL?

Music moves my soul. It brings me to tears and reaches my deepest inner being. Some music brings out the dancer in me where I can't hold still, whether it's my feet tapping or my hips moving. Then there is another type of music that gets my full attention, my ears hear it, my eyes see it, but my heart feels it. My body doesn't move, but I sit transfixed, listening to every beat, feeling every spoken word.

Tonight I am watching the recorded special Frank Sinatra's 100th birthday- Grammy Concert. Frank Sinatra not only had a beautiful voice, "he sang a song he loved like he meant it, like every word was part of his story". This is the best music show I have ever seen and it's only half over. Harry Connick Jr., Seth MacFarlane, Tony Bennet, Garth Brooks, John Legend, so many I can't even begin to mention all of them. Seth MacFarlane was amazing, smooth as silk voice. Did I mention Alicia Keys? Never having seen her before, she blew me away. Heartfelt, sexy, and she meant every word she sang. One of the most soulful female singers I have ever heard. She sang I've Got A Crush On You, a Sinatra favorite. It took my breath away. Usher sang That's Life, and it was fabulous. The last time Sinatra performed in public he sang The Best Is Yet To Come, and Adam Levine sang it beautifully.

However, they saved the best for last.... Lady Gaga sang New York New York. She came out in a tuxedo, with hair pulled up under a vintage hat, like Sinatra wore. She sang beautifully, moved gracefully, and she drew you in magnificently. The show was filled with all the songs Frank Sinatra made famous. There were photos from over 75 years ago, short video clips of him performing, and many, many great singers today paid him tribute. An excellent music concert I hope you got to see, or will get to see in the future. I have it on my DVR and if you are in the neighborhood, we can watch it together.

Thank you, good night and God Bless!   Aleta

"Singers like Frank Sinatra and myself, we interpret the songs we like. Not unlike a Shakespearean actor that goes back to the greatest words ever written, we go back to the greatest songs and bring about our own interpretation of them."   Harry Connick Jr. - actor and singer

I WILL ALWAYS BE MYSELF!

Am I the only one that still uses an iPod? Most people use their phone for music. But I like the easy transportability of my iPod, especially since it's so light. My case has protected it all these years so it looks brand new. But I don't use it very often and every time I download new songs, it's a new learning experience. Yuck!! Actually that's true for any technology I use infrequently. (As I write, the true essence of my thoughts come out, please stay with me for a minute.)

This morning I downloaded several Stevie Wonder songs, including Superstition and I Just Called To Say I love You, plus Marvin Gaye's Got To Give It Up. I love R&B and I think...it's the music that moves my soul the most...and my feet! Yesterday I went to physical therapy and they always play the best Oldies But Goodies.

The physical therapist went over my exercises with me, asked me to lie down for icing my shoulder, and then gave me infrared. She also does some massage and always seems to find just the right spots that need help. It's usually relaxing, until a wonderful dancing song comes on. Here I am lying down, all ergonomically correct with a small roll up under my neck and something under my knees to take the weight off my back.

Then after a 2 minute silence several songs come on that make me want to dance. My upper body is very still, and my hands start tapping and my feet dance. As I leave, Marvin Gaye came on and I could not help myself, and neither could Dottie. We danced to our hearts content for about a minute and loved every second!

That little act of spontaneity filled my body with endorphins and gave everyone around us a great big smile. Life is too short to be worried about what others think.

I will always be myself and along with that I suppose I need to warn the world, and my children....I am only going to get more outgoing and less inhibited. Haha! I am going to have more fun, never at another persons expense, but always remembering to remain true to myself. I love to laugh, and as I always say I am my own home entertainment system! Each of us needs to remember there will always be people that will be different than us and will not understand us. At the same time there will always be people that like us and love us, and completely get who we are. Surround yourself with those people. If getting along with your immediate family takes extra work, that's life. Work extra hard to make those relationships work, to the best of your ability. But choose friends that know you and love you. Always remain true to yourself.

Life is give and take. And trust me, with grown children and now a grand daughter, a simple kind word goes a long way, or an apology that you feel is not up to you. No matter how someone treats you at any given moment, we must remember they may be going through something unbearable. It always feels better to walk away having done or said the right thing. I have many regrets. And I have learned that taking the high road, in the end, is always right.

Thank you, good night and God Bless!!   Aleta

"I would always rather be happy than dignified." Charlotte Bronte - English Novelist and Poet

TRAVELING WITH EARL

Got your attention now, huh? But you will have to wait a few minutes. Flying is part of traveling and not always fun. But there are a few things I always do to insure a more enjoyable trip. Non-stop is helpful for short, domestic trips, and usually only about $50 more for trips into the Midwest. I prefer window or aisle so I don't get stuck in the middle. And I always bring a book along, even for driving in my car. The thought of getting stuck somewhere with nothing to read is a horror to me. Yes we have our phones, but come on, there is nothing like a real book. Also bringing some healthy snacks that are light and easy to carry, because for some reason I don't have much of an appetite when I fly. Lastly, I pray for safety, of course, but also that I don't have to sit too close to a screaming child. I am sorry. But it's the truth and I am sure I'm not the only one. That reminds me to pack those bright pink, cushy ear plugs every trip.

My trip coming back home on Sunday was uneventful and very comfortable. A little sleeping, I finished the novel I was reading, and watched a wonderful film. The film was Me and Earl and The Dying Girl. It won two awards from the Sundance Film Festival 2015. I won't spoil it for you. But it's so refreshing to see an intelligent film, without unnecessary violence, and one that teaches us about humanity and life.

It's artsy and starts out a little odd, you may need to give it about 20 minutes. It will pull you right in and you will fall in love with the characters. It's sweet, and touching, it will make you feel good, and you will find yourself smiling a lot. It's about friendship, and life, and humanity. The acting is great and it's a film I would like for my library. 

Thank you, good night and God Bless!   Aleta

"My advice to young film-makers is this: don't follow trends start them."  Frank Capra, Movie Director

CONFESSION- I HATE GETTING LOST!

Yes I'm back and feel like a dingbat! The last time I wrote I'm not even sure I let you know I was going to visit my kids, and my grand daughter in the Midwest. Well, now that I'm at the end of the trip, maybe I'll write something.

Confession - I hate getting lost in unfamiliar towns. I bought a good used car to use since I visit often, and the kids can use it as an emergency car. My afternoon was all planned: wrap the few gifts I have, go to Toys R Us, drop off table cloths we borrowed from the church, and grab a sandwich at Jimmy John's. Definitely avoid traffic at all costs. People think Californians drive crazy. They drive fast here too and have no patience. I got honked at twice today. Everything is different - the signs, the streets, and what the heck is a Michigan left? I don't even want to know.

My first mistake was trying to find Jimmy Johns being hungry. Once I got the actual address of the one that probably was the closest, I got comfortable and thought okay, I know where I am. It was only 2 1/2 miles from my location, but then the traffic all of a sudden became horrible. And I decided to forget the sandwich, with this traffic I'll be lucky to get to the church before 5. Turning left was not easy given the congestion and my knowledge of the area was limited.

Twice today I even drove back to my son's house, to start over again, because I kind of know where I am if I start from there. Can you believe it? I am not a dingbat, but I do get nervous in unfamiliar towns and flustered easily. With or without gps. The good news is I did laugh at myself a lot today. But toward the end I got a little down on myself.

With the one errand completed, delivering the tablecloths, I decided to get back to my safety net - my son's house. So now I am driving down Eight Mile, and feeling comfortable one thing is done, the most important errand. When I am unsure of my whereabouts, it is impossible for me to notice my surroundings. Now that I am only a short distance from my destination, I can look around and see the sights. I look to my right and guess what I found??!? A Jimmy Johns sandwich shop!! Thank you very much, I have lost my appetite by now and just want to get back to the house. Thank goodness I can always laugh at myself, and usually do. In fact I always say 'I am my own home entertainment system'.

That was my day today. I love to share a little laughter and thought you would like to hear what's going on in my life. By the way, my kids are all well, and I will be a grand mother again in January. Rosalie my 1 year old grand daughter, is great too. My shoulder is healing slowly, and it's been 7 weeks already since the surgery. The PT and exercises are very helpful.

Thank you, good night and God Bless!    Aleta

"Today was good. Today was fun. Tomorrow is another one."  Dr. Seuss

"MASTER OF THE PORTRAIT"

I'm back! Please forgive me for taking this long. Sometimes the thoughts and words just don't come. It's been 4 1/2 weeks since my surgery and my sling is off and I am healing. Shoulder surgery takes a long time to heal and improve, and with physical therapy starting this week (Thursday), I will do more healing and improving. My plan is to be a very good patient with my exercises. After all, it's my choice to have only 75% use of my shoulder with some continued pain, forever. Or follow the PT exercises and improve and continue to live a healthy, full life. I choose option  2! Enough of that.

My favorite TV show did it again. Who doesn't like Monty Python? No one doesn't like Monty Python. That is of course a double negative, which equals a positive. John Cleese is that crazy Englishman with the bazaar sense of humor. CBS Sunday Morning did a segment recently on John Cleese, and it was fabulous. He is co-founder of Monty Python. One of his movies, A Fish Called Wanda, is a favorite of mine.

But the segment that stood out for me was on the artist John Singer Sargent. He was known as Master of the Portrait. In college I took Art History and remember it was a huge book, by Jansson I think. It must have been $100.  and that was a lot of money back then. The sad thing is I don't ever remember reading about him. Perhaps that's why I was so thrilled to watch this program. He was born in the mid 1850's, to American parents, in Florence, Italy. He spent his entire childhood growing up in Europe and spoke 5 languages. If I ever get back to New York, I hope to see his paintings at the Metropolitan Museum of Art. The paintings they showed were exquisite - vibrant colors, beautiful folds in the fabric on his subjects, the faces! Simply put, his paintings looked like photos they were so gorgeous.

One story they high-lighted was on his painting called Madam X. In 1884 he painted a woman in an evening gown, with one shoulder strap that draped off her shoulder. Very scandalous in 1884, even for Paris. It's hard to imagine Paris, France being offended by a provocative pose. He accentuated her sensuality by letting her evening gown strap fall off of her shoulder. He did however change the painting by putting her strap back on her shoulder.

John Singer Sargent became black-listed for some time. But thank goodness he did not let society dictate what he could and could not paint. Be yourself, who else is better qualified?

Thank you, good night and God Bless!   Aleta

"Do not go where the path may lead, go instead where there is no path and leave a trail." Ralph Waldo Emerson,  19th century American writer, theologian and poet

RECUPERATING!

This post is meant to be brief and simply keep in touch. Recuperating from this shoulder surgery is much tougher than I ever imagined. I jokingly say 'It only hurts when I move'. But that's not really true. Sometimes it hurts when I am sitting perfectly still, and I imagine that's the healing process. Tomorrow will be week 3 and I am very surprised how the pain zaps my energy all day long, even takes my breath away. Sleeping is tough and I tend to toss and turn. My brain hasn't felt like picking up one of the many books I have. And I am embarrassed to say I have been watching lots of television. But honestly it's the one thing that keeps me quiet.

This week, Monday, I drove myself to my first post-op appointment with my surgeon. In order to do that, I had to stop that half a pain pill (at bedtime) because even that small amount kept me dopey and fuzzy-brained. I have since driven to Safeway, and a few local trips - thank goodness! Anyway, my doctor said I was healing like anyone else. My time to keep the sling on stays at 4 weeks. Today being Thursday means I have one more week, 8 days including today. I can live with that. Then I look forward to physical therapy. My body always seems to respond to PT.

I never mean to complain, especially since others are fighting for their lives - I am not. Moral of this story - if you have pain, don't let it go and get it checked out early on. I re-injured my shoulder the last few months, and wish I had gone in 3-4 months sooner.

Live and learn! And better yet, learn from others experiences!

Thank you, good night and God Bless!    Aleta

"To affect the quality of the day, that is the highest of arts."   Henry David Thoreau - American author, philosopher and abolitionist

SHE'S ALIVE!

It's been a week and a half and I am beginning to feel human again :-)  Having a bad tear (rotator cuff) has made my recovery tougher and longer, in my opinion. One of my sons had rotator cuff surgery a few years back, and he doesn't remember having pain, or ever taking pain medicine. We are all different, but no pain? surprises me.

Regardless, I see the light at the end of the proverbial tunnel. This morning my friend Keith, asked if I wanted to get out of the house. To go with him on errands for his work, and I could also go to my favorite health food store. It took me about a minute to decide....Yes....I am beginning to go stir crazy! And if I see another Hallmark movie, or cop show, my brain will shut down because of inactivity and a dull existence. In all fairness, taking the pain meds was needed, and I only stopped when I was too nauseous, or the pain was subsiding. Also, I needed to sleep and allow my body to heal. I am not the best patient if I have to sit still.

Thank you for listening. I am typing with both arms and have to stop or it will hurt later.

Good night, and God bless!    Aleta

The last several days I have been getting ready for my shoulder surgery - torn rotator cuff. (Tomorrow October 2)  It's  weird, I have been cleaning, organizing, taking care of anything that needs clearing up. And knowing my brother and his wife were staying with me, I wanted the house clean. Honestly, I have been  a little stressed thinking about how I will manage without the use of my right arm. But my pain will be gone eventually and in about 4 weeks I will start physical therapy. I can't say when I will feel like writing again, so please excuse me, and send all the prayers and good thoughts you can.

Thank you!!  Aleta 

NO THANKS, I DON'T NEED HELP!

How often have you said that to someone? Why do we think we can do everything on our own? Do we like to offer help - yes, I believe most of us do. Then we certainly should allow others to help us. It is incredibly selfish to give but not let others give back to us.

Is that an audacious statement to make? Maybe. Why is it selfish? That's easy - when we give (help others) we feel good about ourselves, and we like the accolades. We receive a blessing. However, being on the receiving end is very different. Do we feel weak? Do we not want to bother people? Do we not want to feel indebted? I believe the answer to these questions is yes for most of us.

This query became very personal for me recently. This Friday, October 2, I am having surgery, a torn rotator cuff. It happened from everyday living, aging and sports. Several people have asked if they could help. My brother also offered to help. He and Jo would come down and stay with me and do whatever I need. Guess what I said? No thanks, I don't think I will need any help. Then I started thinking about it. Maybe I will need help. Regardless, I should let them come down and stay with me, the company would be nice. But more importantly I would be giving them a blessing.

This next month of October I will be putting that into practice. Many people have asked if they can bring meals to me, and you now know what I told all of them! But now I have changed my mind. I will let them bring me some meals, drive me places, and visit with me. There will be times where I may feel a little uncomfortable, and that is called personal growth, and grace. Years ago I learned to say "thank you" when given a compliment. It's similar to allowing someone to help - simply and graciously say thank you.

Not being able to use my right arm, especially being right handed, will be difficult. The simplest of tasks will be difficult, if not impossible to do. I won't be driving for at least 2-3 weeks while my arm is in a sling, and certainly not while I am on pain meds. However, I have been practicing driving with one arm, at least in my community. But I won't do that on a freeway, too many things can go wrong where you need both strong arms. Today I even put my make-up on left-handed. It took twice as long, but women are very resourceful, especially when it comes to make-up and hair. Practicing helps me be ready for the unknown.

Thank you, good night and God Bless!    Aleta

"Some of us think holding on makes us strong; but sometimes it is letting go."  Hermann Hesse -Poet and Novelist

MUSIC AND VINTAGE WASHING MACHINES!?!

Some of you will remember my fondness for CBS Sunday morning, my favorite tv show. This last Sunday was fascinating starting with Pope Francis as one of the highlights. He is the first ever pope to take the name Francis, patron saint of the poor. He preaches the love and compassion of God to the people, as we would expect any pope to do. But to be concerned about the environment and to be able to relate to all people, he is truly a very special human being. I have never before been interested in any pope. But this gentle man is very special in my eyes, and he has broken the mold for future popes - and that is a good thing.

The Bill Cosby scandal was another segment. Suffice to say, we are all saddened and shocked about it. 50 women have now come out to tell their story. It's hard to comprehend because he was after all Bill Cosby, a moralist and philanthropist, America's favorite father. In the 1960's, rape victims were re-victimized and it wasn't compassion and protection of the victims - it was what were you wearing?
I remember hearing this thinking as a young teen, no one deserves to be raped no matter how she's dressed!

All Washed Up was a segment about men who collect old washing machines, from a 1938 Bendix to machines from the 50's and 60's. It was bazaar but I have to admit I liked it. They showed  basements with multiple washing machines, from red ones, to turquoise and all chrome. Most members, 3000 worldwide, have 20+ working machines in large basements. This would never work in California where we are in a serious drought. But being a lover of vintage things, I would love a red washer.

Jeremie from Lansing, Michigan was perhaps my favorite segment. Jeremie is a 10 year old boy who has always wanted to be a police officer when he grows up. He recently asked his mom "are the  police still the good guys?" Seeing all the news coverage of some officers getting into trouble made him start to wonder. Their treatment reminded him of the bullying he has been subjected to. Jeremie will be giving the Lansing Police Department a grand party in February 2016, in lieu of his own birthday. When asked why doesn't he want a birthday party, his response was priceless - "The police are more important than any birthday party". I don't think this young man will ever have a problem with bullying again!

One more segment I want to mention (and there were several others I haven't) is Don Henley, veteran Eagles singer and guitarist. I love music - classical, jazz, big band, but my favorite is the all time best Oldies But Goodies, 1950-60's! During his interview he quoted the poet, TS Elliott. His voice still sounds great, he looks healthy and younger than his 71 years, and he is looking forward to his retirement in his hometown in Texas. When do you hear a rock star quote a poet? Anyway, I got all jazzed hearing some old Eagles songs.

Thank you, good night and God Bless!    Aleta

"Music washes away from the soul the dust of everyday life."  Berthold Auerbach - Poet and Author

ARE DISGRUNTLED PATIENTS WELCOMED??

Yesterday my stitches were removed. My incision feels much better and I'm not constantly reminded of the surgery. However, it is still somewhat swollen and red and was told it may take up to 6 months to heal from the inside out.

I am happy to report my doctor was receptive to listening to my displeasure over the whole procedure, never once rushing me, or getting arrogant or impatient. She was actually sweet and said she wants to get feedback from her patients. (Please see Monday, 9/14 post My No Good Very Bad Day.)

The great thing about getting older is the wisdom we gain. It's not hard to see why old people get obnoxious and out spoken. Some of course revert to children and are self centered. I hope and pray I am not that bad. But lately I can see I am not going to let anyone push me around - a far cry from my personality as an overly nice twenty year old.

The whole reason for writing about this incident is to say we all need to be our own best advocates, especially when it comes to our health. We need to go into a doctor's appointment prepared to ask questions, having everything written down, listening, even taking notes, and remember a doctor works for us. We are allowed to disagree.

Today I was reminded, once again, how blessed I am. A little spot removed and it's over. Unpleasant, but I am healthy. This morning I drove a friend to her chemo appointment in San Francisco. My first thought was to let her go in and I will return when she is almost finished. However, that wasn't going to work for me. I don't like the medicinal smell of a hospital, nor do I like being reminded of the fragility of life. If she has to go through it, then I can go up with her and see exactly where she is, and make sure she is settled in, returning when she is almost finished. None of the procedure - needles, IV, different bags with potent chemotherapy meds, pills, etc, bothered me. But seeing perhaps 15 people (just from my vantage point) receiving chemo, did bother me. Most were in their 40's-50's.

That was my Thursday and Friday. Stitches out for me and finding a better chiropractor on Thursday, and Friday being honored to help a friend with a very personal need. Life is fragile and precious! Love and care for your family and friends, that love comes back!

Thank you, Good night and God Bless!   Aleta

"Health is not valued until sickness comes."  Thomas Fuller - English Churchman and Historian

MY NO GOOD VERY BAD DAY!

Life happens.  Last Thursday was one of those days. I had a doctor's appointment to have a basil cell cancer spot removed from my nose. This is a very, very slow growing cancer, and when they take it out, it is gone. The interesting thing is, it might be from my teen years. Wednesday I woke up with stomach cramping. Whenever you have surgery in your abdomen, there is a chance of scar tissue later grabbing onto organs, perhaps intestines, causing intestinal blockages. Having had a few abdominal surgeries in the past, I have to be careful not to eat too much raw food, or too much food period. Wednesday was very uncomfortable and surprisingly debilitating. The Chinese believe everything to do with our health begins in the gut. It makes perfect sense to me, because that is where we feed our entire body, and the nutrients are introduced to keep the body healthy.

Trying to find someone to drive me to the doctor's became a necessity because my energy was quite diminished. My friend Darby was able to, and I was very grateful. I had a very uncomfortable appointment.

This is a heads up post. Doctor's instructions are not always in our own best interest. I am not saying they don't have our welfare in mind, but they might not put much thought into our emotional well being. I have a friend that is a doctor and perhaps other doctors will read this. So before you blow up, please read on. My dermatologist sees patients 5 days a week. Taking out basil cell tissues is a mundane task for her, and when you have done it for 20 years, it's a no-brainer. Please excuse the slang! Basil cell cancer spots are a very common occurrence in people. The doctor detects the spot, a biopsy is done, the doctor takes out all of the spot, biopsied again to be sure it is all gone, and stitch you up. A local is given for pain each time, stitches come out the next week, and it's over. Those are the "facts and tasks". Any reasonable person would say it makes sense. 

Before the appointment was scheduled, I asked my doctor if I needed a ride, she said no, you don't need a ride and you will be fine. However, because of my stomach cramping, I knew it would be safer to have a friend drive me. Let me just add I have had several surgeries and 3 babies, and I have never cried in a doctor's office. Nor been stressed out because of a surgery.

After the basil cell spot was removed and before stitching me up, the plastic surgeon gave me the local injections again. None of that was bad. But remember it was on my nose and near my eyes, and I believe it's a very sensitive area. (Even band aids pull on my face.) I don't know how long but maybe 20-30 minutes she did the stitches, from the inside out, of course. She was very methodical and great at explaining what she was doing. Because this spot was on my nose, a plastic surgeon did the procedure, they didn't want a scar. After I don't know how many stitches, and pulls, I was getting very uncomfortable. My mind was racing - "OMG! what kind of pain am I going to have next week, how could my doctor say I didn't need a ride home, there will also be pain from her stretching my skin over so I don't have a scar, and I will have to cancel, blah, blah, blah!" Every time she stitched I felt the pull, and I began saying to myself - Please God, let this be the last one! And it wasn't for a very long time. I laid there and did not move because she was working on my face. But inside I was extremely anxious. 

When it was finally finished, I began to tell the doctor and nurse what I had been going through, and I told them everything I was thinking - and the tears began to fall. I knew it would happen because the tears were there, ready to erupt, many stitches ago. I was not angry with them and I am a reasonable person. 

Through my tears I conveyed my thoughts, logically, though obviously emotionally, explaining from my perspective, the perspective of a patient. A patient who had never felt stitches pulled on her face. My doctor will hear my story, because I believe we can all improve. Doctors are not the best students, especially from a patient. She doesn't know me! I am not angry and won't be nasty, that's not my way. Besides no one listens when people spew out ugly words. 

When asked the question can I drive myself? This is what I would like to hear her say: Most people go through this procedure just fine, and drive themselves. But if you think you might want to have a friend drive you, then you have to decide that for yourself. That sounds reasonable to me. 

Thank you, good night and God Bless!    Aleta

"Be yourself, who else is better qualified."  Anonymous

FAMILY IS EVERYTHING!

It's gorgeous on the Northern California Coast today and all weekend it was clear and sunny, 70-80. Currently (at noon) it is 80 degrees and sunny with no wind. This weather calls for shorts, windows and doors open, and gardening, and most certainly a walk at the beach.

My brother and his wife just left after visiting for the weekend. We had a great time. Barney, their frisky Australian shepherd, always comes but is relegated to the back yard. We played pickle ball, I started to teach them mahjongg, we shopped at my favorite natural foods store, and of course broke bread and enjoyed red wine with dinners.

We also got to Face Time with my sons and their families who live in the Midwest. My grand daughter, Rosalie, has not met her great uncle and aunt yet. But thanks to technology, they got to say hello to her while my son Jesse gave her a bath. She is a very happy little girl and it was priceless to see her happy smiles. Everything they do at the age of 14 months is adorable (well, almost everything:) Waving bye bye, blowing kisses, meowing like a kitty cat, or barking like a doggie. Why do adults turn to baby talk? Because we want to relate with them. Sometimes I watch her videos from my phone for a long time, and talk to her, because I miss her so much.

We also got to Face Time with my other son and his wife, Ian and Tina. Life is too busy and we are all going in many different directions. But I am grateful we had family time across the miles. We got to talk about what is going on in their lives, and what we did here in California.

Family time is important and I am very grateful for my 3 sons, their wives, and my grand daughter!

Thank you, good night and God Bless!    Aleta

"A family is a place where principles are hammered and honed on the anvil of everyday living."  Charles R. Swindoll  - Pastor and author

IS THERE A CORRELATION BETWEEN SUGAR AND HEART DISEASE?!

Watching a news program recently and reading more online, I discovered some disturbing facts. Some is old news, however, some is brand new to me. Added sugar is the single worst ingredient in the modern diet - what else is new?! Sugar has harmful effects on our metabolism, is filled with a lot of empty calories, bad for our teeth, and overloads the liver, causing all sorts of serious health problems. The most surprising statistic I read, sugar, Not fat, may be one of the leading drivers of heart disease!

I am not a scientist, but I like to be health conscious and found this fascinating. Please bare with me with a few details. Healthy, active people can tolerate more sugar than people who are inactive, and primarily eat a high-carb, high-calorie diet. All sugars are basically the same. Sugars create insulin, lead to fat storage, and slow metabolism. These large amounts of added sugars get turned into fat in the liver. This fatty liver can lead to Non Alcoholic Fatty Liver Disease (NAFLD), a growing problem in Western countries. When fructose gets turned into fat in the liver, not all of the fat gets out. Some of the fat gets lodged in the liver which leads to NAFLD.

About the liver. First, what is sugar made of? Before it enters the bloodstream from the digestive track, it is broken down into 2 simple sugars - glucose and fructose. Glucose is in all living cells. If we don't get it from our diet, our bodies produce it. Fructose is different, our bodies don't produce it, and we don't need it. It can only be metabolized by the liver in significant amounts. This is not a problem if we eat a little (perhaps from fruit), or if we just exercised. When we repeatedly eat large amounts of sugar, it can lead to fatty liver, and other serious health concerns. It is almost impossible to overeat fructose by eating fruit - good news!

There is also a correlation between a diet high in sugar and cancer. Very disturbing. Insulin is one of the key hormones in regulating the uncontrolled growth in cancer cells. For this reason, there is considerable evidence that sugar, due to its harmful effects on metabolism, can contribute to cancer. We all know sugar is very addictive. Sugar and many junk foods, cause a huge release of dopamine. Dopamine is a neurotransmitter released by the brain that plays different roles in humans, and animals. Such as: memory, pleasure, behavior, sleep, and mood. Dopamine is a fascinating read and I suggest you look it up to learn more.

Like abusive drugs, sugar causes a release of dopamine in the reward center of the brain - hence, we run to it to improve our mood, etc. Everyone knows sugar is a leading contributor to obesity. But new studies show it isn't only the fat that raises cholesterol and gives us heart disease.

There is a lot of conflicting news out there, and doctors often disagree. I read and re-read my posts and try hard to be accurate. Please take this information as an introduction that I hope will pique your interest to learn more. Thank you!

Good night and God Bless!    Aleta

MY TOP 10- MOST POPULAR POSTS FOR 2015!

Life is busy for all of us, especially those of us who are addicted to technology. I admit it I love all of the cool, techy toys and apps available to us - texting, emoji, email on the go, Facebook and of course blogs! Silly me - I even taught myself how to text like young people:-) My thumbs are quite speedy now!!

Life being so busy, I have been asked which are my top 10 most popular posts this year. Here is the list according to page views from Google Blogger:

February 13    The first day of the rest of my life
February 15    What does your past say about you?
February 17    Online dating is not for the faint of heart
March     23    Late bloomers unite
March     24    I don't care what others think about me!
March     31    Rekindle the light everyday with gratitude
April       27    What, not those ugly grandma stockings?
May          2    A month of good byes
June        23    I was adopted and didn't know it
August    26    My friend is a horror film star!

MY FRIEND IS A HORROR FILM STAR!!

Today was one of those days when my mind wanted to wake up at 5 am, but my body said "Are you kidding? No way, I'd rather toss and turn." So that was what I did....until I gave up and got out of bed a half hour before my alarm. The night before I had written down my schedule, because it was going to be a busy day.

There are 3 cypress trees in my back yard and one has to be taken down because it is seriously leaning on my neighbors garage. Yesterday I called my favorite tree guy, Bill, and he was my first appointment at 8:30. This post is not about the nonsense I did today, but about my friend Bill.

Bill has done several tree trimming jobs for me over the last 10 years and I just adore him. He is ruggedly handsome, has silver hair, about 6'1", slender and strong, and is the nicest guy. He is a wild man, climbs like he was born and raised in the wild. He is polite and handles himself professionally. He also recently married a long time friend and they are great for each other.

We had to visit because it had been 2-3 years since we last saw each other, so we sat in my kitchen over coffee. He shared with me he has stomach and liver cancer and right now he is doing well with his meds, etc. He looks healthy and strong, but it wasn't the case a year ago. He has a wonderful attitude and his wife is his best advocate, keeping on top of all the doctors, reports, labs, meds, etc.

He loves life and looks like the epitome of health. I hope and pray they caught it early. When we went outside, I noticed he had a different car and I asked him about that. He needed a bigger one, an SUV, and said he gave his other car to an employee's wife, and he pays their car insurance. Isn't that something?

I have saved the BEST for last. Bill isn't only a tree trimmer, that's his gig he does when he isn't busy making movies! Yes, he has been acting for about 20 years, doing, and I quote, B horror films. Not my favorite movies, but he always is so fun to talk with and has the most interesting stories to tell. Only in California, I always tell my kids! If I ever move away from California, I will definitely miss the diversity of people here!

This is another instance where I feel very blessed. Bill is a friend I can count on to make me laugh, and I can call him if I need help with anything. Good friends are a very special gift!

Thank you, good night and God Bless!    Aleta

"Friendship doubles our joy and divides our sorrow."   Anonymous

HUMOR!!

Is it just me, or are we all a little weird? Haha, I can hear a few friends saying "It's just you, Aleta." I love humor. Sometimes I like to say I am my own home entertainment system! I like being a little  different, it's healthy, and wouldn't it be boring if we were all alike? Humor is cathartic and bonds friends.

CBS Sunday Morning interviewed Jerry Seinfeld recently and it was great. Have you ever seen comediansincarsgettingcoffee.com? Jerry Seinfeld is joined by friends for a cup of coffee and it's always in a classic car. And of course all of his friends are comedians, and they share stories either in a car, or a coffee shop. A few months ago I got to watch this on an airplane flying back home. I happen to like Seinfeld. You either do or don't I suppose. But getting to listen to 2 comedians kibitzing is the best! For those of you who don't know 'kibitz', and don't want to google it....it is Yiddish for chatting, or to offer unwanted advice, being a busybody. Years ago while living in the Bronx, I learned some Yiddish words. A Jewish friend warned me Yiddish is a dying language - and he chuckled with my response "Oh great, I'm learning a dying language." Chutzpah, yenta, and kibitz are my favorite, I often use chutzpah. Chutzpah is a great word when you want to say someone is very courageous or brave. Yenta is generally used for an old gossip.

In the interview Seinfeld said "a laugh is such a pure thing." It's so true and very healthy for our bodies. Laughter creates endorphins which are natural pain and stress fighters. Please google it for more techy information. After about 15 minutes of fairly strenuous exercise, endorphins are released into the body. It leads to feelings of euphoria, decreased appetite, enhancement of the immune response, and decreased feelings of pain. Our bodies are amazing - I love those endorphins, I'm going for a brisk walk!

Thank you, good night and God Bless!    Aleta

"Exercise? I get it on the golf course. When I see my friends collapse, I run for the paramedics."
Red Skelton  -  comedian extraordinaire

MY FIRST TRAVEL WRITING - THE HOTEL FIGUEROA, LOS ANGELES

This past weekend I was busy flying into Los Angeles Friday and leaving Saturday night. I took a workshop to learn about travel photography. It was well attended, maybe 75 people. We were taught by the director and two accomplished photographers - great information and I took lots of notes, though my emphasis is travel writing. The key with anything new is to "Just Do It" as Nike quotes. Here goes - my first travel writing.

The Hotel Figueroa is located in the heart of downtown Los Angeles. The front of the hotel is very unassuming. Upon entering you are pleasantly surprised with a Moroccan theme. Beautiful Turkish rugs, tile floors, large, lush green plants, and a friendly staff. My room was small, but had a king size bed, wonderful linens and 4 lush pillows - the bed and linens is most important for me and they rated a 10! The cable tv was good. By the way, I got a stellar deal for a Friday night, $168.00.

After settling in, you will want to visit the pool and restaurant-bar, the Veranda. At 5:30 in the evening it was filled with people enjoying a drink with friends, or sitting by the pool. It was a lovely oasis far from the downtown traffic just outside the doors. The menu is not very large and they have something for everyone's taste: pizza, steak, pasta, chicken, and salads. I decided on penne pasta with shrimp with a glass of red wine, and I was not disappointed. The pasta was delicious, al dente, not smothered in sauce, and served with several medium sized shrimp. The choice for desserts looked good but knew I didn't want to get too full. The bartender was polite and helpful, offering me chips while I waited the 20 minutes.

In all fairness, I have to mention some negatives. The toilet had a little puddle behind it, perhaps a slow leak. And flushing took 3 times to work. It is an old building, part of its charm, and I chuckled when handed a key. How many years has it been since hotels used keys? Unable to turn on the cold water, I had to get in and out quickly. Lastly, I had to call and ask for a hair dryer, and then it kept turning off after 3 minutes. A woman is undeterred when she is getting ready in the morning - a working hair dryer is a must.  Eventually my hair was dried and I was ready to greet the world.

Would I stay at the Hotel Figueroa again? I would have to say probably yes. The young woman who checked me out and gave me my bill deducted $26.00 for my problems, and she was quite empathetic. Everyone I dealt with was fabulous, the bed and linens were wonderful, the dinner was delicious, I loved the ambiance, and all the other hotels were $300-$400 a night. I was fortunate finding the good rate, persistence and simply asking always helps.

Thank you, good night and God Bless!    Aleta

"If you wish to travel far and fast, travel light. Take off all your envies, jealousies, unforgiveness,   selfishness and fears."  Cesare Pavese  -  Italian poet and novelist

OFF TO LOS ANGELES

I am off to Los Angeles tomorrow to take a one day class on travel photography. Writing and photography are two hobbies of mine, and this is a fun way to learn more - writing, photography and travel - what could be more fun!

Most of the workshops are for 3 days and in other states or countries. I have been waiting for a 1 day workshop and it was laid in my lap. Wish me well! Ansel Adams I am not. But I do have a good eye and I am a big dreamer!

Good night and God Bless you!   Aleta

"A good photograph is knowing where to stand."   Ansel Adams - American photographer and environmentalist

AND LIFE DOES GO ON.....

And life does go on....I have had a small bump on the side of my nose for many years, no change, until recently. I even had a check up a year ago by a dermatologist. She missed it, I will have to mention it on the visit next month. But I was able to get in to see her physicians assistant right away.

She stunned me saying "I will take it out today and send it in for a biopsy." I went in knowing there was a chance it might be basil cell cancer, but was not prepared to get it taken out 5 minutes later. The  shots to deaden the pain were barely felt, and I felt nothing from the little surgery. A few hours later all I needed was Ibuprofen for discomfort. By the way, if it is basil cell, I will have to have a deeper surgery to get out all possible cells.

Just 2 days ago I was writing about my shoulder surgery and I was grateful for no cancer. I spoke too soon. Basil cell cancer is a very slow growing cancer, it came from too much sun, perhaps my teen years. Once taken out, patients need to go back for yearly check ups. The bump is about the size of a small pea. I had my first one on my back, which my doctor took out last July.

My point being, it threw me for a loop - I was stunned and felt pretty spacey. Rather than go home, I went to Trader Joe's and TJ Max until I felt like I could drive home safely. All I bought was a frozen pizza and tortilla chips - comfort food I suppose. We cannot take our health for granted and always must be grateful for every day!

Over the years, I have wondered how I would react if told I have a terminal illness. Maybe that is a perverted, sick thing to think about. But remember I am a writer and though very expressive and emotional, I am also a thinker. Now I know my first reaction would be fear. But I hope and pray that I could spend time with my children and grand children. I am also a pragmatic person and would make sure everything was in order (of course I have had a will for years).

Thank you, good night and God Bless!  Aleta

I am in the mood to give you a bunch of favorite quotes!!

"Work like you don't need the money, love like you've never been hurt, and DANCE like no one's watching." Satchell Paige, African American Major League Baseball Player, and colorful character.

"I would always rather be happy than dignified."  Charlotte Bronte, English author.

"Be yourself, who else is better qualified."  Anonymous

LIFE GOES ON...

Today was a typical Tuesday - no gym, that was yesterday. But I did have a doctor's appointment for a sore shoulder. Last week was my first MRI and I was grateful it was an open imaging machine. I have heard they can be loud and very uncomfortable. Honestly, I can do just about anything, I just want to get it over with. However, the thought of getting inside a big cylinder, and one with loud noise for a half an hour, unnerves me - a great deal. Yes, I am a claustrophobe! 

The good news is I decided to close my eyes the entire time and focus on the music playing. The technician was good at his job and asked if I had a preference to certain music. I said Oldies but Goodies would be great. Focusing on the music made the time fly and I was relaxed when it was over.

Back to the doctor's appointment. I like my doctor, he is an orthopedic surgeon and very personable and outgoing - not your usual serious, formal doctor.  He is very expressive, he could not hide his disappointing news "you have a torn rotator cuff" and need surgery. I chuckled and said, "Wow, I read it on your face, that something was wrong. But it's actually good news because after the surgery I won't hurt any more. And I will certainly sleep better." 

It was diagnosed as shoulder impingement, with a rotator cuff tear. It's a common diagnosis and comes with age, starting decades ago. The way I learn and remember information is to write it down. The collar bone and acromion are now touching, creating a bone spur, therefore digging into the top of the tendon. Hence, tearing the rotator cuff (a tendon). He showed me amazing photos from his library, and then the photos from my MRI. My tear is all the way across the tendon.

Needless to say, I am looking forward to being healthy again. No shoulder pain! Surgery early October then a sling, and about a month of physical therapy. My body responds well to exercise and physical therapy, having broken my wrist 2 years ago.

The really good news? I have something that can be fixed, fixed with surgery, exercise and therapy. I don't have cancer. Lately I have been a little irritated having some new aches and pains, frequent aches that never bothered me before. But why shouldn't I get sick? What makes me think I deserve a life without physical maladies? Especially with so many people dying of cancer, or heart disease. 

I am blessed - I say that a lot and will always say it because it is true! I have great health, 3 sons I was told I couldn't have, wonderful daughters-in-law, now I am a grandma, and many great friends. Oh, and I work with wonderful people in my volunteer job - we help people in the community. What could be better? I have 2 favorite quotes today!

Thank you, good night and God Bless!    Aleta

"Our lives are not determined by what happens to us, but by how we REACT to what happens to us." Wade Boggs   - He was a Third Baseman for the  Boston Red Sox- with a great attitude!

"Positive thinking will let you do everything better than negative thinking will."  Zig Ziglar, a motivational speaker and author

WASHINGTON - MONTANA - NORTH DAKOTA, PART 1

It was a whirlwind trip. I flew to Washington where Julie lives, and 3 days later we piled into her Nissan, including clothes, shoes, and everything a woman can't live without. Our first stop was Montana. The trip was about 10 hours. Grueling, yes, but nibbling on licorice and Fritos, and drinking iced tea, sustained us. We stopped every 2-3 hours to either fill up with gas, food, or make a pit stop, change drivers and stretch our legs, or all of the above.

Montana is gorgeous with green, lush mountains and trees, lakes and rivers everywhere. We didn't have any car trouble and were always able to receive some radio station, not always the case with cell reception. Once in awhile we called someone and asked could they please entertain us!

There's an old expression: ignorance is bliss. We had no idea how much driving we would be doing. No wonder we slept like babies some nights. After arriving at her daughter's home and visiting for the evening, the next day Julie, myself, her daughter and her 11 year old grand daughter all piled into Amy's car and headed for North Dakota. Amy's twin lives there, and of course Julie wanted to visit with Lisa, too.

North Dakota is not as scenic as Montana, more flat, not as many trees, more brown than green. However, we passed some beautiful rock formations, including the Badlands. They were named by the Lakota people because of extreme temperatures, lack of water, and exposed, rugged terrain. President Theodore Roosevelt loved the Badlands and the freedom of the western way of life. There is some interesting history on Roosevelt and the Badlands, which I won't go into now.

While in North Dakota we had several days of fun family time, enjoying home cooked meals, and an artists fair - basically relaxing. One highlight was a rodeo with bronco busting, lassoing cattle, and young kids riding small horses (the kids wore helmets). It was a small rodeo, guessing maybe 150 people. We were really close, about 20 feet from the fence. Some of us got really worried the horses were getting hurt - when you are that close and the horse crashes into the fence, you think two things: is he getting hurt?, and I hope he doesn't come crashing into our laps!

The one thing we missed while there was a country western dance. Boo hoo! We went to the rodeo on Saturday evening and planned to stay for the dancing, but the popular band performed the night before, Friday.  The only dancers were under 3 years old! We left with high hopes because we still had several days back in Montana, or so we thought.

Stay tuned for Part 2 tomorrow. Thank you, good night and God Bless!     Aleta

"I care not what others think of what I do, but I care very much about what I think of what I do! That is character!  -  Theodore Roosevelt, 26th President of the U.S.

WASHINGTON - MONTANA - NORTH DAKOTA

It appears I have learned how to vacation, but haven't learned to let my readers know I will be off! Please forgive me. My grand daughter had her first birthday, and of course I couldn't miss that. And then I made plans (months ago) with my friend, Julie, to go to Montana and North Dakota. We went to see both of her daughters and their families, also her brother and his wife.

This writing will be short, kind of like an introduction. Honestly, my head is spinning with stuff to catch up on, and with all the driving we did (we started in Seattle area), I am now tired. I think my posts this week will be in parts. Sometimes I get carried away and it is too long.

Our trip was fabulous, of course sharing the drive. Western Washington is beautiful, lush and green, and evergreen trees everywhere. (Hence lots of rain.) Eastern Washington is quite dry and a very different landscape, little trees. Montana was my favorite, with mountains, lakes, trees, and lots of wild life.

The next post, tomorrow, will be on a Harley ride, Rhino utility vehicle ride, and target practice - yup, I learned how to shoot a gun. It seems out of character for me, being a non-violent person, but I have wanted to learn how to handle a gun for years. I think it's because I don't want to be afraid of it, rather be able to hold it and manage it if I have to.

Thank you, good night and God Bless!    Aleta

"Don't cry because it's over, smile because it happened."   Dr. Seuss

I AM STRONGER THAN YOU THINK....!

I am back from visiting my kids and grand daughter, and had a wonderful visit. Rosalie turned one this month. Besides being very happy and always smiling, she is fun to play with. Our favorite thing to do is crawl on the floor playing peek-a-boo. We  chase each other around the couch and then she will stop and peek around the edge of the couch. We both break out in hysterics, but then she will also look under the couch to see exactly where I am - such a smart little girl! Then we start all over again in the other direction! I love being a grandma!!

Facebook was full of several wonderful posts today. My friend Terri posted a quote and I apologize for not knowing the author, I believe the author is Italian.

"You can bend me, but you will NOT break me....I am stronger than you think, and I NEVER give in or give up."

What does that mean to me? It means I will stand up for myself, I will always step in and help someone when I see the need. I do not like injustice, cheating, lying, unfairness, or unkindness. Do I get emotional and shed tears? Of course I do, because I am passionate and unafraid to show my true self. Each of us has our own strengths and weaknesses. Be willing to learn and grow and change - yes, I say that often. "You will not break me...." This means I will not change who I am under pressure. I am woman....I am soft on the outside, and I hope always kind and considerate. However, I have been known to get in the middle of a scuffle, and make sure everyone is treated fairly.

It's so important to be true to ourselves. Otherwise, how can we look into the mirror? Thinking things through and patience is key. History is ripe with people who persevered. Look at Thomas Edison and the light bulb....over 1,000 attempts, and he thought "I just haven't found the key yet". And then there is Abraham Lincoln. He lost the love of his life in his younger years, and his political career is filled with defeat after defeat....for decades.  Then of course he became our 16th president. One of my favorite presidents.

We can all be stronger in the little everyday things we do. To reiterate - patience, perseverance, and thinking!! Nothing important comes easily. Anything worthwhile takes work, lots of hard work, and
W A I T I N G!!

Thank you, good night, and God Bless!!    Aleta

"Strength and growth come only through continuous effort and struggle."  Napoleon Hill - American author

Oops!! I forgot to write that I am visiting my kids and grand daughter in the Midwest now! Unfortunately, I got a cold from the nasty re-cycled airplane air. The good news is I didn't make anyone else sick.  But I feel lousy and low energy.

We had a great birthday party for Rosalie and lots of nice family time. I love seeing my kids and always glad to be back in my own bed - home sweet home!!

WHY IS LOVE SO TOUGH ON US?

Why does love hurt so much? (This may be a girlfriend post :-) I am speaking from a theoretical, and personal point of view.  Sometimes we want to share our feelings but it can be confusing. In the end we have to go through it alone. Figure it all out on our own, no matter how much a friend thinks she sees it clearly. Women sometimes want to talk about a relationship with a friend. Yet, the opinions aren't always welcome. So I really don't know why we continue doing it. There are probably several different reasons....we want some help figuring things out, we like to share our secrets with that special friend, we can't wait to tell her, and we are excited and just love to talk about all the new (personal) gossip.

One thing is certain - let's hope we can learn from our mistakes. Honestly, I hope that I have learned from a recent mistake. A few months ago, I met a wonderful man who is smart, tons of energy, affectionate, honest, the list is long. Though the other list is shorter, it is extremely important. And I chose to ignore the signs....signs that were there at the beginning. A little voice that some how knew something was missing. I was always trying to understand him, yet he didn't seem to want to know me as well as I wanted to know him. I kept saying "he is a logical social style and I am an expressive". That was my reasoning for letting it go so long. The fact that logical, scientist types don't express much is true. But I was hoping and wishing and not thinking clearly.

If we have to try that hard then something is deeply wrong. One thing I know for sure: we have to be HAPPY with ourselves! I want to wake up each morning knowing that I am learning and growing and changing, and always becoming the best "Me" I can be. Ultimately, it is our own self worth that means the most. When we decide to share life with someone, we need to be at our best, independent, and strong self. We can't count on the other person to make us happy. We are setting ourselves up for disappointment and failure.

This post turned into a different, very personal writing. Expressing myself in prose is very therapeutic for me. But I also hope my story helps others. After all we have a lot in common - we are humans, and there are two types, as I once told my 3 sons when they were small - boys and girls! It's funny how we can complicate life. And then we have the ability to learn and grow and change!

Thank you, good night and God Bless!   Aleta

"When we are no longer able to change a situation, we are challenged to change ourselves."  Victor Frankl-  Austrian Psychiatrist, and Holocaust survivor

LEARNING FROM MY MISTAKES

I problem solve when I lay my head down to sleep. Sometimes it's figuring something out, and then other times it's rehashing the day, which can be annoying and unproductive. But I have solved many problems and I guess that's why I keep doing it. The chief motivation is learning from my mistakes. To learn and grow and change is extremely important. And then waking up in the morning knowing exactly what to do is rewarding. I have woken up knowing an apology was due a friend. Then my thoughts won't be quiet until I apologize and clear the air. It may not be anything to the other person, but if my thoughts are consumed with it, I have to handle it.

Of course, there have been numerous times when I needed to seriously apologize for something. No matter how much I may dread a possible confrontation, an apology is the only solution. It's the only thing that will quiet my thoughts. Ultimately it's the one solution that makes sense to me. Apologies strengthen friendships and shows others that we care. They make us accountable for our actions, and that in itself, gives us the confidence to do it again. I feel relieved afterwards, because though it was uncomfortable, I can now live with myself.

This writing did not come easily today. In fact, I sat here thinking and writing and deleting for a very long time. And no, I did not have an apology to make recently. Sometimes a friend or family member will ask me if I was writing about such and such. Today was simply one thought, and one sentence growing into another thought, etc.

Thank you, good night and God Bless!    Aleta

"Worry is the interest paid by those who borrow trouble." George Washington

RETRACTION

Retraction:  Recently I had a follow- up visit with the vascular surgeon who recommended my compression stockings. He stressed that only the full stockings be worn, not the ones that go from the ankle up to the knee. I had gotten the wrong information from someone in his office.

We risk swelling in the ankles. I see many people wearing the shorter style. However, if you have any ankle swelling, or problematic veins, please see a vascular doctor.

I realize it is tough to were these in hot weather, but I have heard nothing but good reports when people are on their feet all day for work.

Thank you!   Aleta

FAILURE IS NEVER FINAL UNLESS IT'S THE LAST TIME YOU'RE GOING TO TRY!

The above title is a quote from an anonymous author. I have not been able to substantiate the original author. This afternoon I was looking through my notebook of writing ideas. And I kept running across some of my favorite quotes. I sure hope my readers don't skip the end of my posts. Because I spend a lot of time choosing the quotes, and try hard to make sure they pertain to my subject matter. I love love love  quotes, and hope to impart some of that love, and education to my readers!  Give me a quote that means something to me and I can write about it. They are important to me, they move me. Sometimes they can take my breath away.

"The true sign of intelligence is not knowledge but imagination." Author Albert Einstein. When I first read  that some years ago, it made me feel smarter, and gave me a huge boost of confidence. Remember my parents thought I wasn't very bright. They did not know about learning disabilities in the '50's. Albert Einstein was thought to be retarded by the age of 5 because he wasn't speaking yet. Just imagine what we could accomplish if we didn't listen to nay-sayers. Or didn't listen to our well-meaning parents. But instead when we thought about something we wanted to do, we just went ahead and did it! That is called imagination, and passion, and perseverance, and thinking things through. Every great person in history has had to go through tons of adversity from jealous co-workers, negative family members, and people that simply did not understand their dream. Those negative people certainly didn't have the knowledge to understand their field. Scientists say we only use about 10% of our brain. But I have read it might be as little as 3-4%. Studies have shown that we can increase our grey matter, and increase our intelligence. But it all starts with a good positive attitude about "who we think we are"!

"It's not what happens to you, but how you react to what happens to you." Author Epictetus, Greek Philosopher. Wow! This is important for all of us. This is all about attitude, a good or bad attitude will make or break us. #%$@  happens to everyone! Whether it's health issues, or job, or our family members, or negative friends.  I am not saying tough it out and get over it. This is a tough one because life is always a struggle. And hurt feelings can last a life time, if we let them. The more life I live, the more I admire the strength I see in people. Some people can just focus on what's in front of them, and then deal with the "problem" at the end of their day. That is tough for emotional people like me. I have learned over the last several years to focus on what is right in front of me. I learned this the hard way. Only 7% of what we worry about actually comes to fruition. Either the problem will go away and never happen, or it will still be there when we get home. Falling apart emotionally never helps any situation, it makes things more difficult and we don't think clearly.

Thank you, good night and God Bless!   Aleta

"There is only one corner of the universe you can be certain of improving, and that's your own self." Aldous Huxley - English writer and philosopher, author of "Brave New World".

WHAT FILTERS DO WE HAVE, AND WHEN SHOULD WE USE THEM?

What is a filter? It's a moment in time when we blurt something inappropriate out, or simply say something we wish we hadn't. How often does that happen? Too often I'm afraid. We learn by our mistakes, usually. Maybe I should say hopefully. Children of course are the worst offenders, but we can chuckle at their innocent, and often hilarious comments. Sometimes it takes adults a lifetime.

Growing up we always heard "think before you speak". That is sometimes hard to do, especially if you think a long time has passed. You begin to perspire and, forget it, if you are anything like me, your mind goes blank and everything is lost. That is the worst case scenario.

Learning how to relate with difficult or angry people is where we can get our practice. There is plenty of that these days, I think?! The best thing to do is hold our tongues and just listen. I have said this in other posts, learn to say "Let me think about it". This simple 5 word sentence will save you. Usually when we get away from the incident and tension, ideas come into focus. It has certainly happened to me over and over. Hundreds of times over the years, I have either said something wrong or not been able to say anything. Then later  I think "Why didn't I say.....". I have lots of great ideas....after the fact, and I'm probably not alone.

Being quiet gives us time to think about a response, because I have learned the hard way. I would rather be polite and subservient in a difficult situation, because I never want to be unkind and have regrets later. Now don't get me wrong, I will not sit back and let someone get hurt. Or if I see an injustice, I will figure out some way to intervene, or get help. God has blessed me and I have never been hurt. I could not live with myself if I decided to walk away without helping.

Life is always easier with people who understand us. (This goes back to my posts on relationships and personalities.) But life isn't always that simple. Learning when to use our filters to simply get along in our world, does make life easier.

Thank you, good night and God Bless!!   Aleta

"The art of being wise is the art of knowing what to overlook."  William James -American Philosopher and Psychologist

MY FRIENDSHIPS HAVE TAUGHT ME A LOT!

The weather changes drastically in a half hour when you live on the coast. This morning going over the hill it went like this - 60 - 68 - 74. But at 2:00 it was really drastic 84 - 79 - 74 -63. That is why this northern coast is called a resort. You combine the beautiful Pacific Ocean, and mountains to the east, you have lovely communities - laid back and peaceful. When my husband and I moved here years ago, we noticed how friendly the people were. One day, years ago, a lady overheard us talking about the car trouble we were having, and she offered to drive us home. It was surprising being only a half hour away, how different the people were.

Today I met with a friend and we had fun catching up. She was actually working, but we laughed and made plans to see other soon. Having friends that understand you, care about you, and friends with whom you share similar interests and thoughts is incredibly important. It makes us feel good about ourselves. Making friends isn't always easy because there is some risk involved, if you think about it. By risk I mean being vulnerable, we have to be transparent and sometimes that can turn against us. The obvious differences in personality also will either make or break a friendship. That usually is discovered right away, but not always. Sharing personal information with a new friend can be scary because we don't know how they will react, if they will judge, or even gossip. Past mistakes has taught me well. But it does take years of experience - I call that wisdom. The one thing I love about being older - wisdom!!

Why aren't friendships easy to cultivate? First of all everyone is too busy. We can't get away because we are so attached to all of our techy toys. Young kids aren't the only ones that need to have time away from their iPads. I will admit I am hooked on technology. I must google a dozen times a day, looking up information, or the definition of a word, or a phone number.

Back to friendships. Of course I looked up the definition of friend: someone who knows, likes, and trusts you. We need to be good listeners, listen twice as much as we speak. I have read we have lots of acquaintances but only a few close friends. We need to feel safe with friends. Comfortable enough that we can be quiet when we are together. If we don't feel well, a good friend will notice and know what we need. This is very simplistic, but in order to have a friend we need to be a friend. Simplistic and yet very important. And we need to learn to "ask for help". This is still difficult for me to do. We are giving a blessing to others when we ask for help. We should not deny our friends these blessings. Otherwise, how can we offer to help others?!

I have many friends but I only have a few close friends. And spending time alone at this stage of my life has taught me how to be the "best me" I can be.

Thank you, good night and God Bless!    Aleta

"One of the most beautiful qualities of true friendship is to understand and to be understood."
Lucius Annaeus Seneca  - Roman Stoic and statesman

ADOPTED AND DIDN'T KNOW IT - PART 2

Once I found out the names of 3 of my cousins, I could now start looking for them on Facebook. I also had the name of my cousin's daughter-in-law. I found she had a Facebook account. I carefully wrote a letter to Francine, and sent it through FB. I didn't want to 'friend' her, that seemed creepy. I gave her plenty of information so she would know I was legit. But it took almost 6 months for her to respond. She was rarely on FB and somehow missed the message. It was the day before Easter, and I was with my daughter-in-law's family, enjoying the Gold Country in the spring.

I logged onto FB and started reading a message - and began saying OMG..... over and over again! And laid my head down and started crying! Only Jennifer understand what was happening. It was wild and I was beside myself. She had to explain why I was flipping out! I wrote back and we exchanged phone numbers and emails. I could barely sleep that night.

A few days later I went to see my kids and grand daughter in the midwest. It was there that I got a call from Francine. Of course I had put her info in my cell phone and was delighted to hear her voice, for the first time. She said she was calling on the spur of the moment because she was with one of her sisters and another cousin, Anthony. And they thought it would be great to call me in California! I got to talk with all of them and they were just as excited as me to meet. But that morning Anthony had the craziest thing happen - God works miracles! He woke up that morning and said to his wife, I wonder where in California my cousin, Aleta, is. He woke up thinking about me, though he had never met me. His uncle, my father, had told him a little about me, millions of years ago. And he had seen  a photo or two at our grand parent's house. That day he went to see Francine and one of the other sisters. I think it was Theresa. And Theresa said, guess what, we found our cousin, Aleta?! Of course he tells her he had just talked about me!! So weird - and wild and wonderful!!!  We are corresponding some in email, and Francine and I have talked on the phone.

In October I am planning to go to the Atlantic coast to visit all of them. One more bit of information that is wonderful and sweet. It's out of context but that's not important. Remember when Keith was googling and found the obituary of my uncle? He went home that night and told Jo what information he had found. Being the ancestry detective she is, she got back onto the computer and found out my cousin Francine was a poet and had written a book. First Jo found a story Francine had written about her husband who had died a hero on 9-11. He was assigned to be in charge of emergency evacuation that week for his company. The company was in one of the twin towers. It was beautifully written and of course very sad. Jo emailed me this story. The next week I went in to volunteer for that afternoon, and Keith handed me a gift from Jo. I didn't understand, it wasn't my birthday and I was incredulous opening this little package. It was a small book - the book of poetry Francine wrote. I cried and could not believe it! Here is more real proof my cousin is out there. I read the book that week and it was beautiful. Sad at times and very sweet, they loved each other very much.

This is more confirmation why I always say I am very blessed!! I will write a post after I visit my cousins in October. I look forward to hearing about our grand parents.

Thank you, good night and God Bless!    Aleta

"Alleged 'impossibilities' are opportunities for our capacities to be stretched."  Charles Swindoll - author and preacher

I WAS ADOPTED AND DIDN'T KNOW IT

At age twenty I found out that the father I had known all my life, was actually my step father. He married my mother when I was about 2 1/2, and also adopted me and gave me his last name.

We were having a big family dinner in San Francisco at my Uncle Louis' house, the patriarch of the family. My step father had too much to drink over dinner and said, "Aleta, I'll never forget the first time I saw you. You were running down that hall with no clothes on." It's funny how I remember the exact words he said, I am certain of that. When we got home that night, I went upstairs to ask my mom what dad was talking about. She said she was married for a short time, in New York City. She went on to say he is Italian and they met on Off Broadway, in an acting class. My reaction is odd to me now. I stood up, went into her bathroom and looked into the mirror, and said "I guess I do look a little Italian". That's possible, half the people in Italy have blue eyes. But I'm not sure what else I thought. My mother said the reason she didn't tell me was because she didn't want me to think I had anything less than my sister and brother.

When you are twenty something, and all you want is to be a mother, finding my lost family was not a priority. It never occurred to me, at that time, that I should connect with my Italian side. I was busy being newly married and raising 3 rambunctious boys - I was in heaven! Suffice to say, I did meet my father but barely saw him over that year. He worked 2 jobs and was very busy. I lived with him, my step mother Gigi, and 3 of her children for a few months. I met the father of my 3 boys in New York, and we were married that next year. Living in New York would have been a perfect time to ask to meet my cousins, my aunts and uncles, and my grand parents. However, I am sorry to say I did not. I was too busy being 22, and everything that goes along with a young person in the 70's.

Enough about that regret! Remember how I always say how blessed I am? Here comes a big one. Almost 4 years ago I started volunteering at a local community center that helps people in need - help with food, school supplies for children, and sometimes money for rent. I became friends with Keith, and hence his wife, Barbara Jo. They invited me to have dinner with them and to meet Jo's sister and her family. Jo mentioned she loves researching on Ancestry.com and asked what was my birthday.

Fortunately, I had my father's social security number and his age, and my aunts and uncles names from Gigi. Jo's career is computer tech stuff. She loves researching Ancestry and has had fun finding her ancestors. She allowed me to use her account but she actually did the work.

One day I was volunteering, and told Keith that I had found some information but I had a question for him. I don't remember the question, but that day Keith spent quite awhile googling, and putting in names, and hitting links, blah blah blah. He found an article in a newspaper in Staten Island, an obituary that might be my uncle. He said I had to use my credit card to pay $2.95 in order to get a copy. I said of course.

There it was - my Uncle Jack's obituary. I was very sad he had died and I would never get to meet him. But there were the names of his children, and grand children! My first cousins! I was practically crying. My Italian blood-line, my father was their uncle, their father or mother was my uncle or aunt! Now it was my turn to start researching - in Facebook. Only one cousin was on Facebook, but I got confirmation with her daughter-in-law. Because her daughter-in-law filled out the entire profile on FB, one thing I won't do. But I am grateful she did.

Part 2 tomorrow -

Good night and God Bless!   Aleta

"You don't choose your family. They are God's gift to you, as you are to them."  Desmond Tutu -  South African social rights activist and retired Anglican bishop

CHIVALRY ISN'T DEAD - MORE FROM WASHINGTON TRIP!

It was my last day and Julie and I were going to Gig Harbor, a lovely little resort on the water. I have become a morning person and we were both up by about 7 - no alarm. Unlike me, Julie is full-speed ahead, even before coffee. Not me. I like to start my day slowly and caress my hot coffee cup, not move, just sit and sip. But Loren had forgotten to bring his passport to his first day of work. He tried calling both of us, we turned our phones to silent, and he even tried calling the neighbor next door - no such luck. But by 7:30 we were out the door to bring him his passport.

Loren is 6'2", and quiet, unless you get him talking about politics, or perhaps how government jobs are run. Julie says "He is the loudest quiet person she ever met". He is also handsome in a quiet, unassuming way, and has a great smile. When he smiles he looks like a younger Harrison Ford. He has been working for the government for several years, but this new job requires him to show a passport - so we show up and meet him in the designated parking lot. We waited about 5 minutes. Loren gets his passport, kisses Julie good bye, and he is off to his morning orientation.

We waited at least 5 minutes trying to get on the road, having to turn left across 3 lanes. No one wanted to let us out. We thought we'll get out some day, but we were worried about Loren getting back late. Loren has a 1-ton black truck. A big, diesel, macho truck. He backed up and went another way, now we don't have to worry about him being late.

He pulled into traffic, no one messes with a big truck - but Loren was on a mission. He got into the middle lane, and just before the exit where we were waiting, he stopped! Remember, Julie and I had been watching the whole time. Julie said, what is he doing? And I said, I think he's cursing at someone. We were astonished and intently waiting, Julie was freaking out a little, too. He must have opened his window and yelled at the guy on his right to stop, and (he told me later) he put his arm out of his window to stop the guy on his left. Then he motioned for us to drive in front of all 3 lanes and make the left turn. OMG!!! I loved it! I screamed with glee - that was so awesome! Your husband is so chivalrous, I said. I have a crush on Loren!! Julie just smiled. I saw a side to Loren I had never seen before, and it was very cool! I love it when a man takes charge, I always have.

This post is for you, Loren! Thank you for that special moment.  I will never forget it. Thank you for all you do for your friends and family. And thank you for being the strong, loving husband for Julie. My best buddy and sister!

Thank you! Good night and God Bless!    Aleta

""I am thankful for laughter, except when milk comes out of my nose."   Woody Allen

WASHINGTON STATE TRIP

Washington state is gorgeous! Lush, green, and trees everywhere. As I said in yesterdays post, I am back from a vacation with friends. My friends were moving back to their home state and I offered to help. Help with driving not packing. Loren was driving a 1-ton truck pulling a fifth wheel, a 38 foot trailer. I might sound like I know the lingo....NOT....but you get the idea. Trailers, fifth wheels, campers, RV's, mobile homes, it's not all the same. But on to the fun stuff. Julie and I were in her Nissan Juke.

We planned on two days driving, but Loren discovered a bubble in one of the tires. In 100 degree weather, the possibility of that tire blowing is very likely. We were in Yreka and 25 miles from the Oregon border, when he saw the bubble. No tire stores open after 4:00pm on Saturday. We got stuck there Sunday when we were hoping to drive the whole day to Seattle.  But honestly, we had a nice motel with air conditioning, cable, and great linens on the beds. Loren is very cautious and an excellent driver. Though I will have to admit there were times Julie and I complained. All in all we were blessed that Loren is cautious and we arrived at our destination alive and well. We arrived Monday night at 9:30pm, after driving 480 miles for 11 hours.

In retrospect, we had a great time. Loren drove the truck, alone, and Julie and I had each other, to talk about important stuff. Girl stuff, you know all that fun, private talk when you are really good friends and everything is quiet. And then when we were really bored, we would make calls to friends and put them on the Blue Tooth, so we could have a three-way conversation, and be entertained. The longer the day, the sillier we got. Giggling at anything.

Julie and I never sat around, once we arrived at their friends property. Everyday we went somewhere. I had 1 week to see Seattle and surrounding cities. Visiting friends and family, BBQ's, hiking, lunch out, grocery shopping and getting acquainted with her new town. Loren was busy getting their fifth wheel ready for the property, and helping his mother. His new job started Monday, the day before I left.

The highlight was going to the San Juan Islands, in Puget Sound. I had never been on a ferry that cars drive onto. It fascinated me. We did not plan very well, having the departure times, but no reservations (something new) for Friday Harbor. We were directed to the 'stand-by' lane, and waited about 1 1/2 hours. Everyone gets into a lane, turns off the car, and is able to go for a walk, or just simply leave the car and come back at a designated time. We met some nice people, and were given wine, and ideas for places to visit. We began to worry - the 3-4 hours of driving, and now waiting in the stand-by lane, it wasn't looking good. But, in the end, we were one of the last 4 cars to be allowed onto the ferry! And it also happened leaving the island the following day. We were ecstatic!
We stayed in a wonderful B&B in Friday Harbor, with a delicious breakfast, meeting a half dozen nice people from all over America.

Pikes Place Market, in Seattle, was also a wonderful place we visited. It's like a farmer's market, with fresh fish, gorgeous flowers, artist's hand made things, and it went on for blocks. We only saw a small part of it, it was fascinating. I missed the very first Starbuck's coffee shop, apparently right across the street. But I didn't know this until after we visited Pike's Place. I don't like standing in long lines, just to say "I did". I  mentioned this to a few Seattle people, and they weren't even sure where the first Starbuck's was! Washington state is well worth a visit with it's water and green, lush woods.

Good night and God Bless!   Aleta

"Let us be grateful to people who make us happy, they are the charming gardeners who make our souls blossom."  Marcel Proust - French novelist and critic

PLEASE FORGIVE ME...

Please forgive me for not saying a word the last week and a half. I joined friends, Julie and Loren, on their way back to the state of Washington.  I had planned on writing a little but, had wifi trouble with my iPad, and I can't figure out how (or sign into Google Plus) to write on my iPhone - way too small!!

We had a great time, never stopping to sit - from the San Juan Islands, to visiting Julie's friends, playing cards, Gig Harbor, walking in the woods - to name a few. I will write more details tomorrow.
Washington is gorgeous - lush, green, and trees everywhere. Apparently the weather is changing in their state, like us here in California. It was mostly hot, 80's and a few 70 days.

Thank you, good night and God Bless!    Aleta

WHY IS IT TOUGH TO GET ALONG? RELATIONSHIPS AND PERSONALITY STYLES!

Why are relationships between men and women so difficult at times? There are lots of different reasons. Thousands or perhaps millions of books have been written on relationships. I am just going to brainstorm for a few minutes. This is my take on the "male-female dilemmas" we sometimes face.

Now before I give my humble opinion on this topic, this does NOT mean all women and all men are like this. Women tend to be nurturers and men very task oriented. When we cry, men feel a little helpless and want to fix it so we will stop crying. We don't want them to fix anything, but just listen and perhaps give a hug. Women are sometimes more emotional and men not emotional. We are opposites, yet men and women are attracted to each other. What an odd phenomenon.

When a couple has marriage problems, it's almost always the woman who suggests going to a therapist. Then the man says "I am not going to talk with some stranger, and we don't need any help."
Women are usually the talkers and relaters, talking with people naturally. Finding out all the news on the new baby with the next door neighbors. If it were up to a man and he talked with the neighbor, the man would come home knowing very little. This exact scenario has happened to me. The husband  says, the neighbor had a baby. And the woman says "a boy or a girl, or how is the mother, what is the name of the baby?" The husband can only say "I don't know, a baby, that's all I know, I'm not going to ask a million questions". If it were a woman, we would come home knowing all the details, how much the baby weighs, and that the mother is fine, and the baby's name and gender. Females are more interested in relationships, generally speaking. Males are more task oriented. This is one reason why it is very difficult for a man to be out of work. Work for a lot of men is their identity.

The other and more obvious reason for the relationship issues is personality differences. There are four general social styles. If you have ever taken a personality test to see if you are suited for a job, you will recognize some of this. There are different thoughts on the names. But I think you will see the credibility. These are the names I learned from reading some books over twenty five years ago.

The four styles are melancholic, expressive, phlegmatic/amiable, and choleric/driver. Melancholic personality is a person that is very detail oriented, likes things done in an orderly fashion, and usually good at numbers, or a job that takes a lot of concentration and detail. An expressive personality is very outgoing, playful, the life of the party, loves talking with people, ready to drop everything and go do something fun, and can be careless about responsibilities. Phlegmatic is a crazy word isn't it? The way I describe this personality is easy going, gentle and wants to get along with everyone, but they are sometimes non-commital, and would definitely not like being pushed by a choleric. If pushed, this personality can be very stubborn. The last is choleric and they are classically called the lion. Need I say more? They are the leaders, take charge people, domineering and sometimes more bark than bite. They will bull doze people if they can, but we need this personality to get things done. Take a look at history, all the powerful presidents we have had, and you will see their personality style.

In fact, all the personalities are important, and we all have our weaknesses and strengths. And nobody is just one social style. Thank God!  :-)  We are all a little of at least two social styles, perhaps all four. I almost forgot to mention the animal names of all of them:
melancholic- giraffe, phlegmatic- turtle, expressive- monkey, and as I mentioned choleric- lion. Now doesn't that paint a perfect picture of each style? I can almost hear you laughing, I am certainly smiling.

The next time you are talking with someone at work or a family member, have fun listening and trying to figure out where they fit in. Better yet, have fun figuring out where you fit in. And best of all learn from this so you can get along better with everyone around you! This is why knowing this is so important. Learning to get along with others! I have learned, the hard way I might add, and it's more important to get along - than it is to be right. The personality styles will help immensely and they are no doubt using different names now.

But I still prefer the ones I remember- lion, monkey, giraffe and turtle. Doesn't that paint a picture? I think the animal names are perfect - I can see the giraffe moving slowly and methodically, the turtle peaks his head out and pops back in if something startles him, the monkey of course is jumping around making a lot of noise, having fun but kind of annoying, and the lion simply roars, he is the king of the jungle.

Good night and God Bless!   Aleta

"Courage means to keep working a relationship, to continue seeking solutions to difficult problems,  and to stay focused during stressful periods."   Denis Waitley   -author and Motivational Speaker